Whenever there is a glimpse of a more transdual view, or an more gradual emergece into it, there is an alignment process that takes place.
This personality has habitual patterns formed from biology and a lifetime of experiences. These patterns typically reflect a blindly dualistic view of the world, since that is what most of us operate from.
When a more transdual view lands, there is a need for a realignment of these patterns and processes of the personality. They need to realign with a more transdual experience of the world. The question that comes up is: How do I live from a more transdual view?
It is typically a somewhat painful process, although it depends on the prior patterns. If the personality operated from a quite blindly dualistic view, there is a good deal of realignment that needs to take place. If the patterns were aligned with a more aware and less strongly dualistic view, the realignment is a little gentler.
Pain & Awareness
In any case, some pain is involved.
Awareness is brought into areas that previously were in the dark. We see sides of the personality that there were good reasons for us to previously not be aware of (they did not fit into our self-image and/or cultural expectations). The identity of the personality softens, loosens and becomes more inclusive. Both ends of each polarity is included.
And habitual patterns change. There is a sense of the personality being pulled apart and reconfigured in a new way.
As more awareness is brought into the personality, there may be a sense of decrystallization and of a more fluid responsiveness to the inner/outer situation.
The personality here refers to the inner world, any fluid phenomena associate with this person. The body, energy systems, emotions, cognitions.
When we operate from a more blindly dualistic view, the awareness is identified with a part of the personality. Some parts are seen as “me”, others are in the dark. Which parts we identify depends largely on culture, upbringing and personal experiences.
As the identity moves towards awareness, and there is a dis-identification with the processes of this particular personality, we open for a more transdual experience of the world.
We see all phenomena of the inner/outer world as a seamless whole. And we experience awareness and all phenomena as a fluid and seamless whole.
I had an emergence into a relatively awake and transdual view when I was about 16 years old. It came suddenly, out of the blue, after a period of illness and existential crisis, and it lasted and depended in the following years.
And this personality was completely unprepared for it. Consciously, I was an atheist with minimal interest in anything spiritual. And the personality was not very balanced and healthy. I was very socially awkward and not comfortable with myself in any way.
Due to the sudden shift and the lack of preparedness, there was a long period of intense and painful reorientation. So much in my personality came into awareness. And it was painfully obvious that this personality was not very well prepared to live from a transdual awareness.
I could live blissfully on my own, but not bring it fully into the world. And I knew I had to bring it into the world for it to have real value and meaning. It was – and is – a long process.
In the beginning, it was a sense of the personality being completely pulled apart and reconfigured. Then it slowed down somewhat and there is a sense of a more slow transformation and alignment process. Of course, there was also a period of “falling from grace” and then finding the way into it again – maybe necessary for picking up some of the loose ends.
Of course, when I say “I” here, it is with invisible quotation marks around it. I know that the personality, this “I”, is not any entity on its own. It is part of the fluid and seamless whole of all inner/outer phenomena. It has not separate or permanent existence in any way. If anything, the “I” is transdual awareness, the luminous spacious awareness that every phenomena unfolds in. And then, I also know that “I” can be used for this personality, when it operates from a more transdual awareness.
First the mountain is a mountain, then it is not a mountain, and then it is a mountain again.