I notice a deep disgust with how I am deluding myself with what I perceive as my realizations.
I sit on my own (and weekly with a local group), read, write, live, and it is so clearly not enough. I need to work closely with a teacher and a group, to cleanse myself of realizations. And to place myself in a situation where mind/life can continue to clarify and deepen.
Any realization becomes delusion, it becomes a burden, stuckness, starts to rot. And to get rid of it, we need the help of a guide familiar with the terrain from her/his own experience. Someone we can trust (if there is not enough trust there, we will withdraw physically and/or mentally when it gets rough).
On our own, we are guided – at least partially – by the small self, and the preferences of the small self. This means that we are guided into deepening patterns of delusion, no matter how sophisticated it appears to ourselves and others. We need someone who can see through it, who are familiar with the terrain from their own experience – and can help us cut through the realizations/delusions.
As they emphasize so much in Zen, realizations and even enlightenment is only the beginning of a long process of maturation, continually dropping realizations/delusions, clarifying, deepening, wearing off the extra, becoming more and more human.