It is essential to study intimately with an experienced teacher, if we want to deepen and clarify our life. On our own, we are bound to only strenghten the habitual patterns of the personality.
I notice how easy it is to be blinded by and caught up in what I perceive as realizations, when I am mostly on my own. I do Breema and sitting meditation, read, write in this journal, and trick myself into having a sense of understanding. Under a good teacher, this is quickly dispelled. When I lived at Kanzeon Zen Center, I was faced with my own obscurations and my own inability to life fully from a Big Mind perspective, daily. I saw my current limitations, and was in situation where I could deepen and clarify beyond them.