She shouldn’t be obsessive.
1. Is it true?
Yes, it seems true.
2. Can you absolutely know it is true?
No, it is just a belief.
3. How do you react when you believe in that thought?
I become obsessive, far more than she is. I want her to see my view, and don’t’ want to give up until she does. I obsess about it in my thoughts, repeating the same thoughts over and over. I feel contracted on all levels.
4. Who or what would you be without the thought? (when she in your opinion is obsessive)
>> I see that it is her process. I have a sense of connection with here. I am calm and relaxed, and appreciate her for going through her process. I can easily differentiate between my process and her process, and allow her to stay in hers and me in mine.
5a. She should be obsessive.
Yes, because that is what she is (in my opinion). She should be, because she is, until she isn’t. Again, it is her process.
5b. She is not obsessive.
Yes, she isn’t. She is also remarkably nuanced in her views and balanced, in the middle of what I perceive as obsessive. The obsession is in the context of that which is not obsessive.
5c. I should not be obsessive.
>> Yes, I become obsessive in my thoughts when I think that she should not be obsessive. When I fuel it, I become far more obsessive (in my thoughts) than what I see in her.
5d. My thoughts should not be obsessive.
Yes, I can inquire into them and allow the charge to drop.
I shouldn’t contract.
3. Before contraction: apprehensive, looking everywhere for triggers that can make me contract. And this in itself triggers contraction. When contracted: I resist the contraction, attach to it through the resistance, keeps it static, and blame myself for it. And this makes me contract further. It is a downward spiral. I feel exhausted, weak, sick. Give up. I focus on and amplify any aspect of my experience that I see as not pleasant. I experience separation from myself and others. I choose to not engage in situations I would otherwise engage in with enjoyment. And when I engage, it is with resistance – as I am resisting the contraction.
4. Being with the contraction. Experiencing it. Relating to it with presence, friendliness and interest. Allowing it to unfold as it wants to. And I can relate to others who contract with empathy, even when they get caught up in the contraction. I am the same as anyone else here. When I allow it to unfold and be fluid, I can even enjoy it – enjoy the richness and fluidity of it.
5a. I should contract. Yes, that is what is (until it isn’t).
She should stay in the Witness.
1. Yes. 2. No.
3. Apprehension, looking for signs that she is not in the witness. And when I notice she is not, I contract, become impatient.
4. Being with and appreciating what is. Appreciating her process as it unfolds here/now. Easy to stay in the witness for myself.
5a. She should not stay in the witness. Yes, what is – is.
5b. I should stay in the witness. Yes, the advice is for me. I don’t need to get caught up in the contraction even if those around me does. I follow my process. They follow theirs – as it unfolds here and now. There is a great beauty in this.