Another topic I keep coming back to, to explore and clarify for myself…
When I had my initial awakening in my teens – into the ocean Big Mind, it seems that there may have been a confusion about the nature of the Absolute. I experienced it as space & awareness, as I do now, although somehow clouded behind a thin veil in the world of phenomena.
I may have taken this subtle layer of phenomena as the Absolute, attached to it, and created a good deal of suffering for myself through that (including a longish period of “loosing” this completely).
Recently, I have experienced briefer periods of crystal clear seeing – with no layers or veils. It is just this clear seeing and phenomena arising in the present. It is completely neutral, allowing anything to arise. There is nothing to hold onto.