Engagement

 

When I am exclusively identified with this small self, I create a great deal of drama for myself. Whatever sensations, emotions and thoughts arising, I am caught up in the drama of fuelling some and pushing others away. I attach to experiences by fueling them (trying to keep them) or pushing them away (attached to not having them). I am in constant struggle with myself.

I see this small self as separate from the rest of the world. I see myself as one infinitely small object in an infinitely large world of unpredictable objects. I experience separation, fear, desire for hoarding, etc. There is no end to the drama and no end to the suffering that comes with it.

There may be lost of activity and experiences, but also a sense of separation and of wanting to be closer to somethings/ones and further away from other things/ones. I live from resistance to my experiences, to inner and outer situations, to change (loosing what I have and want), and to stability (continuing to have that which I don’t want). I get exhausted. There is a sense of constant struggle with existence. The only way I can pull back is by spacing out.

When I awaken to myself as space & whatever phenomena arising in the present, I am more detached – which allows me to be more fully engaged as well.

Instead of resisting experiences, I allow them to unfold within space and be experienced fully. Instead of resisting situations, I allow myself to fully be them and engaging with them. And I engage with them from a new sense of space, clarity and overview.

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