Liberation Process

 

If I take liberation to mean liberation from being exclusively identified with the small self, and blindly caught up in the processes of the small self, then I see that it is a process. And maybe one that never really comes to an end as long as this small self is part of my holarchy of being.

Even these days, when I clearly experience myself as space & awareness within which this small self and the rest of the world of phenomena arises, there are many situations where my focus can narrow. Something gets triggered in the small self, and I may temporarily narrow my identification down to it. The difference between now and before, is that even when there is this contraction in my identification, it seems less real, less substantial, and it is quite fleeting. I cannot make myself believe in this narrow identity any longer, even if I temporarily try – out of old habits.

The process of liberation is to find myself as space & awareness, in more and more situations in daily life – including those where the small self gets triggered, and there is a tendency for my identification to narrow down to the small self and these patterns which gets triggered.

These days, it is rare for me to narrow my sense of myself down in this way, but it happens occasionally, as described above. But even here, it is quite easy to find myself as space & awareness again, because it is not dependent on any particular situations. Myself as space & awareness is always available in my immediate experience, a gentle noticing is sufficient.

Eventually, we learn how to rest in our full(er) holarchy of being in more and more situations, even those that are relatively extreme (in extreme situations, it may sometimes be easier as other options are so obviously unattractive).

Of course, I don’t quite know if I will rest as/in my full(er) holarchy of being in future nows. It is always a practice, always something to notice. I can never really say that I have reached full liberation. Something may always come up and surprise me, maybe especially if I attach to a thought that “I am liberated”.

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