No Self & No I

 

I find that there is a clear difference between no self and no I.

When I come to myself as the Absolute, as capacity for the world – and as Big Mind, as capacity for the world and everything arising in the present, then there is no independent or fixed self to find anywhere. I see the world of phenomena as a fluid seamless whole, and myself as a human being as a vortex in this larger fluid whole. It cannot in any way be separated out from the whole. It just happens, doing its thing, as everything else. It all just happens, in the present – whatever it happens to be. Thoughts, cars, the room, emotions, another human, sensations, sounds – it all arises on its own in the present.

And when I look a little more closely, I find that the capacity and the world is absolutely inseparable. There is only capacity/world, only Existence arising completely beyond any dualities. Here, there is not even any “I” to be found anywhere. It is only what arises in the present.

To others, it still appears – clearly and beyond doubt – that Per is doing things. There is not really any obvious differences. He talks, eats, moves around, engages in different things as usual. But from this side, there is no self to be found anywhere, and not even any “I” to be found anywhere. It is just what arises in the present.

I must admit that I am much more familiar with the “no self” part of it, and the “no I” is – that’s how it seems – new. Although I also know that this is only what already is, I am just first now noticing. And of course, there is no “I” noticing – there is only the noticing.

This brings with it a dilemma: how to talk about it? There is no way to talk about it. There is only stories made up, which align with it or not to various degrees – and never really very well.

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