Poof

 

Over the last few days, there has been several times where I have felt physically off.

If and when I get caught up in it, I notice how I contract down to it as well. And it appears very substantial, I put labels on it, and it seems a big problem.

If and when I come to myself as headless, it all changes. Suddenly, it becomes just a small part of the tapestry arising in the present. I am everything arising in the present, and the physical discomfort of this small self is just a very little aspect of it. It somehow does not seem so substantial or important anymore.

Right now, there is something I can label a headache. If I contract down to it, it seems painful, difficult, and there is a whole story coming up about how it will interfere with my weekend, which in turn trigger emotions, etc. When I come to myself as headless, everything shifts. I am now capacity for this world arising in the present – the play of light and shadow on the trees, the cool breeze through the room, the sound of the crows and the traffic, the bird fluttering outside the window, the sky between the leaves. It is a beautiful and vibrant manifestation, always new and fresh.

If I look, I see that the threads of the tapestry which I previously labeled “headache” are still there, although they are such a small part of the overall experience. It weaves into the infinitely large, rich and fluid tapestry arising right here and now.

From being the symptoms, and they filling all or most of what I see as myself, I open up to myself as space and whatever arises in the present. This is another reversal.

I see that there are several ways this can manifest:

  • I see the symptoms as “other”, disturbing me and filling most of my space and taking most of my attention. I am in battle with this other, trying to subdue it with medication and creating a drama for myself around it.
  • I am with the experiences, allowing them to unfold within space and awareness. Now, the labels fall away and they change fluidly into something else.
  • I am the experiences. Now, there is no “other” to disturb me.
  • I come to myself as headless. I am space and whatever arises in the present. I am space and the rich field of phenomena arising – external and internal to the small self. Now, there is no identity, and the symptoms merge into the vast and rich tapestry of phenomena arising in the present.

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