Thoughts, Dark Night, Liberation

 

I see how, when I deliberately engage in thoughts about what in my life did not go as I hoped or expected, I can create sadness and a sense of hopelessness and despair.

And I also see how, when I don’t, everything is so obviously perfect as they are. Nothing is missing. The present is complete. There is a sense of no separation, of the fullness and richness of Existence, and of the wisdom and intelligence behind it all. Effortlessly. It just is.

When I engage in these thoughts, what comes up is a sweet sadness. A sense of nothing to hold onto. There is really nothing in my life to hold onto, in any way. Nothing to take pride in, for so many reasons: It is not much, compared to what is produced through some others. There is no-one here to take pride in anything – it is all a product of the whole of Existence, any way I look at it. There is no hope, and no fear either. It is just the bottomless Mystery, devoid of any characteristics, unfolding in the present – always new, different, fresh. There is no ground anywhere.

There is a sweetness in this. A liberation from anything to hold onto. A liberation into what is. A liberation into being held by existence, in the present. Of allowing it all to drop, allowing it all to fall, and being held by what is.

It is a small taste of the Dark Night of the Soul, and the wonderful mystery that comes out of it.

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