I woke up with food poisoning early this morning, and it lasted for some hours. It reminded me of how stronger experiences tend to either push us into the transpersonal (the Witness, what is) or into the personal (contractions).
And although many factors play a role in whether we go in one direction or the other, practice and habit seems to be a major one. The more I am used to noticing myself as Witness and as what is (more deeply transdual) in daily life, the more likely I am to do it when it gets more intense.
This morning, I found myself pushed into the Witness further – just noticing my human self in pain, discomfort and vomiting a great deal. There was simultaneously significant discomfort for my human self, and just pure awareness and effortless equanimity as Witness.
When I had my initial awakening, in my teens and for several years later, I noticed how I felt much clearer and purified somehow during and after illness and/or pain. And this was because I naturally got pushed in the transpersonal direction in those situations. The years after this where I “lost” this awakening, I just felt drained during and after illness.