Fluctuations & Popping

 

I don’t know enough about this to say much about it, but I am curious about the different degrees of realizations of no I.

From no self to no I

There is a deepening from the realization of no self to no I.

In the first case, we realize – in our immediate effortless experience – that this human self is not fixed nor separate from anything else in the world of phenomena. It is a vortex in the stream, a temporary pattern upheld by a flow of energy and matter from the larger whole. Nothing in the world of form is separate or fixed. It is all a seamless fluid whole. This is the realization of no self. And at this point, we may well shift the sense of “I” to formless awareness, to the witness.

The realization of no I comes when we realize – again from effortless immediate experienece – that there is no inherent “I” anywhere. There is just what is, as it is, with no “I” to be found anywhere, as any segment of what is.

Both of these realizations are quite distinct, and unmistakable when they happen.

Fluctuations

At the edge of the realization of no I, it seems that there can be some fluctuations. Right now, I move between seeing relatively clearly that there is no I anywhere, and also having a subtle sense of a know, a condensed area, and “I”. When I look, there is clearly no I. When I don’t look, there is a subtle sense of an identity as the seer.

Pop

At the same time, I know from own experience and that of others, that this realization can also “pop”. It just happens (typically but not always following certain practices), and it is clear as a bell and unmistakable. What is has awakened to its own nature.

Shamata and vipassana

I wonder if not this does not have to do with the combination of energy and insight.

It seems that both needs to be there for the popping to occur, and for me now – there is more insight than energy. I do inquiries but not much sitting practice these days, which may be one reason for the fluctuations. The insight is there (at least bordering on it), but the energy and clarity is not quite there yet.

This fall, both were present, which may be why it popped then (although it faded/got covered up somewhat after some weeks).

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