Texture as Cue for I

 

I am noticing how texture is a cue for the sense of I.

What is

Of what is, there is the… (a) Ground (emptiness) from/within/as everything happens, including the seer and seen. (b) The seer, formless awareness, the Witness. (c) Any and all experiences, the content of it all, the seen, the world of form and phenomena, sensations, feelings, emotions, thoughts, bodies, actions, trees, cities, planets, galaxies, the universe.

Flavors as trigger for sense of “I”

Each of these has a different feel to it, a different texture. And for some of these – such as sensations, emotions, feelings, thoughts, the seer – I notice that the texture of them triggers a sense of “I”. There is an habitual association with the texture of each of them, and a subtle or not so subtle sense of “I”.

There is a particular texture, and then an immediate sense of “I”.

In the same way, there are other segments of what is that triggers “other”. Their texture, often from sight and sound, is a cue for the sense of “not I”, of “other”.

It is of course only habits. Trained over several years, and with good support from the culture.

My case

For me, there is a slight sense of condensing around the throat area, associated with some feelings and occasional thoughts, and this – very familiar – set of experiences is strongly associated with an “I”. It seems to have something to do with speaking and producing words – and by association – thoughts, which in this particular case then triggers a sense of “I”.

Of course, when I explore it there is no “I” to be found there. It is just objects appearing in space as anything else, no different from the tree over there. It is just a segment of the whole of what is. There is no inherent “I” there. But there is a sense of intimacy there, which I associate with and triggers a sense of “I”.

Even as I explore this and find no “I”, there is still the sense of an “I” there. But looking at that sense of “I”, triggered by the experience of intimacy of it, it is clear that that too is just an object as any other.

It is happening within and as what is, within awareness, as a segment of what is. There is nothing there which has an inherent “I”, only the habitual connection between a certain flavor and texture and a sense of “I”.

This is also an example of how – when something is not yet quite clear but just over/on the horizon – it can come out in a combination of fascination and wordiness. I explore it a lot right now. And it is not clear, so there is a need to explore it over and over in slightly different ways. If it was clear as a bell, just a few simple words would do.

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