Am I in it, or is it in me?

 

There are many forms of inquiry, and even many ways to inquiry into “who/what am I?”.

One that I find especially useful right now is (a) identifying something that appears as “I”, and (b) ask “am I in it, or is it in me?”. Invariably, when I stay with it, I find the latter to be more accurate in terms of my immediate experience.

There are sensations, feelings, emotions, thoughts, sense of “I” as a center somewhere in/around the upper body, sense of a perceptual center and an awareness center, sense of “I” as the seer, and so on. And all of these happens within what is, within this immense space and expanse.

Sincerity

One aspect I need to work more with is sincerity. I tend to brings something into attention, stay with it for a while, and expect to find it within what is – as happening within space, and I – not surprisingly – do find it that way. But this is not a sincere and open-ended inquiry, and it is just such a sincere inquiry that is needed.

When I “trick” myself into realization, it only works some of the way. A part of what is knows it is not from a sincere exploration, and is not convinced. It is similar to an adult habitually responding to a child’s artistic expressions with “that is wonderful!”, and the child is not tricked. Something is missing.

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