I was at an eatery (bar/restaurant) and had a meal and something to drink. Afterwards, my body and everything associated with my human self became very weak and transparent. It all became as empty space. Somebody there told me they had put something in the food and/or drink that would lead me to full awakening. When I mentioned how weak and transparent I felt, they said it was just a side-effect of the process. It was OK. Several older people there ran the restaurant, and there were also several younger people there who – like myself – had eaten the food and were in the process themselves. I experienced whatever they put in the food or drink as poison, although also knew the process had to happen and would lead to full awakening.
This was the morning of Friday the 10, two days ago, and the same day I met with my mentor at the Center for Sacred Sciences the first time (we actually met in a bar/restaurant very similar to the one in the dream – I had not been there before).
The awakening process does seem like taking poison. We die to our old identities, and awaken as that in which all identities – and everything else – unfold naturally and fluidly. Attachments to content drop, and we find the groundless ground which it all arises within and as – and there is no “I” anywhere.
Over the last week or so, I have felt very weak and transparent. It is as if my human self is space. A shell that others see, and just empty space in my experience. And there is not really any “I” here either. Just space and forms appearing in and as space. I have needed lots of sleep, and have not been able to function at full capacity – just barely scraping by doing the minimum. There is a dryness here as well. It just is, with no particular emotions or other content.
Now, after the deekshas earlier today, this is even stronger. There is still a subtle sense of an “I” but within the context of everything being space. And a sense of dryness, absence of exitement, just being with what is.