There has been a good deal of trouble with our must recent housemate – I’ll leave out the details here. What has been helpful about it all is seeing that we both (my partner and I) have been able to deal with it from more of a neutral or even heart-space, and we feel completely clear about it all.
For myself, I see how there is the cycling through of all the various ways the mind typically responds to these situations. There has been anger, resentment, frustration, fear, adrenalin, vengefulness, reconciliation, compassion, peace and so on. And it has all unfolded within this natural clarity of what is. For a while, we needed to respond to a particular situation within all this, and there were a series of thoughts around it to clarify the situation, our options and possible outcomes of the various options. But even here, where I did pay attention to and guide the thought process, it all unfolded within natural clarity and space.
It is an example of what so many report from their own experience. It is not the content that is important, it is what it unfolds within and as. If there is an identification with it, it causes suffering and drama. If there is not – if it all passes through as clouds in the sky, or are used as tools – then it all unfolds within clarity and space. And this space is stainless. There is no residue of the content, no more than a cloud leaves a trace in the sky. It only leaves impacts in the world of phenomena, in the form of deepening of certain habits, memories, learning and so on.
This is not to say that I slept well throughout it all, or that I did not experience the pressure from it all, but that too was OK. That too unfolded within and as space.
Today, it seems that it is all cleared up at additional levels. He called and gave a sincere and heartfelt apology, and we are certainly not holding any conscious grudges (there may be things that we are not aware of, which we can invite into awareness when it comes up). We are also exploring how what we see in him and his actions are equally there in ourselves and our actions, and also seeing how there is always blindness in our own views and actions. There is always a deepening possible into wisdom, compassion and skillful action.