Yesterday, the rug was pulled out from under my feet and my usual orientations went away.
Then later in the day, and this morning, I can see the tendency of wanting to create order out of it again. To reorganize it all into a particular, coherent and relatively fixed story and view.
This is of course needed for purely practical purposes, to navigate the world. Without it, we are aimless and nonfunctional.
On the other hand, if we actually believe in the story, then it becomes just another way to find “truth” in a particular view and abstraction. It creates an identity as a segment of what is. It is a contraction, a limitation, a narrowing, which is not aligned with the inclusiveness and fluidity of what is, and thus brings up suffering.
So having the rug pulled out is a great blessing in a certain way. It allows us to see our attachments, or narrowness, where we are less inclusive than life, existence, the universe, God, what is.
I see my attempts to create a coherent story out of it, one that (a) makes me right and the others wrong, while (b) makes me appear humble, insightful and receptive. One that is aligned with the data, making me appear right, and making me appear humble and receptive.
So one story is:
- My experiences with this particular practice appears very similar to what others report, I would say just about identical.
- At the same time, these experiences are very similar – again I would say just about identical, to what I have experienced in the past with a variety of other approaches.
- And I am told, in no uncertain ways, that this is completely different from anything else.
- So what to do? If can trust my experiences and report them as they are. In this case, they they are indeed very similar to what I have experienced with other practices in the past, which would appear to make them (the people telling me it is different) wrong. If I don’t trust my experiences, I am not sincere with what is alive in the present.
Of course, this story seems very convincing. I can actually not find any part of it that appears incorrect. At the same time, I know it is just a story. It is one of an infinite number of possible stories which each would fit the data about equally well, although I may not currently be aware of many – or maybe any one – of them.
And then there are of course supporting stories, such as lack of communication, that I am unfairly treated for being booted out of the training because of this, and so on. Each of these also appear convincing, but are just a small selection of the many possible views which also fit the data. And distinct from these stories is what is, which is just what it is independent of any story.