Nostalgia for Samsara

 

Trungpa talked about nostalgia for samsara, and it seems that it can come up in many different ways.

Several weeks ago, a particular issue came up strongly in dreams and during the day: lost opportunities in many areas of life, not having developed certain gifts and potentials, and so on.

First, I would resist it, try to distract myself from it, scheme about what to do to remedy it, and so on. When I realized that did not work, I decided to allow it to be instead and also to dive more fully into it. I allowed awareness into it, asked myself can I be with what I am experiencing right now?, allowed it to unfold on its own, and inquired into aspects of it.

After a few weeks, most of the charge seemed to go out of the issue. The bulk of it had been seen and allowed to be, and possibly didn’t need to shout for attention anymore.

Since then, I find myself in situations that used to trigger this issue for me, and it is not triggered – or comes up very faintly and with little substance. It used to be a monster and is now a mouse.

And in noticing this, there is another voice coming up. One of wonder, curiosity and slight confusion in remembering how it used to be and comparing it with what is. Is this right? Am I missing something here? Am I on a dangerous track by not having things triggered anymore? Will I be just complacent? Happy with what is, without intention or effort to change it – to wring more juice out of life?

It is the predictable wonder and slight concern that comes up when we find ourselves in a new landscape. I am not yet familiar with it. Not yet acclimatized to it. I don’t quite know its features yet.

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