Inquiry :: I need to be liberated

 

I need to be liberated

  1. Yes (seems so)
  2. No (don’t know for certain, seems to be OK as it is)
  3. Seeking liberation. Beating myself up for not being liberated. Seeing myself as a failure. Get fixated on liberation, to the detriment of other areas of my life (studies, education, work, friends, family, engagement in general). Get frustrated, since seems just around the corner but not right here – apart from in glimpses and shorter periods.
  4. OK with what is, whatever it is – liberation or not. Fine as it is. Can be engaged, focused on other things when they appear. Live a more juicy life.
  5. (a) I don’t need to be liberated. (Yes, that is as or more true. I am not, so obviously don’t need to right now. That is fine. As it is.)

    (b) My thoughts need to be liberated. (Yes, that is as or more true as well. My thoughts need to be liberated, not “I” – whatever I think that is. My thoughts need to be liberated from beliefs, from being believed in. And inquiry can allow those beliefs to unravel.)

Inquiry will give me liberation.

  1. Yes (that is my belief)
  2. No (cannot know for certain, just a belief – an opinion)
  3. Desperate to do inquiry, on anything that arises. Do inquiry always for a purpose, to arrive at liberation. Always check to see how close I may be to liberation, and if the current inquiry may open up for it – and to what degree. Frustrated, since it doesn’t seem to happen the way I want it to. Wondering what I am doing wrong. Trying to stop having a goal, such as liberation, besides just exploring and finding what is true for me in the present.
  4. Would do inquiry for inquiry’s sake. For the sake of exploration. For the sake of discovering what is true for me right now. Doing it for the unfolding of the process, wherever it may take me. Open for going into unchartered territory, for not knowing at a deep level.
  5. (a) Inquiry will not give me liberation. (Yes, that seems as true or truer. Nothing can really “give” it to me, apart from the whole, apart from God. And that is God’s business, not mine. I do my job, which is inqury. God does God’s job, which is whatever comes out of it – if anything.)

    (b) Inquiry will give my thoughts liberation. (Yes, that also seems as true or truer. It is really only my thoughts that can be liberated, from beliefs – from a belief in them. Nothing else. No abstract idea of “I” placed on something.)

I love my thoughts.

  1. Yes (definitely seems true. I love exploring them, exploring the world through them, creating beautiful maps and frameworks with them.)
  2. No (I cannot know if it is absolutely true)
  3. Attached to my thoughts, and also want them to be a particular way. I love my thoughts sometimes and not other times. I love them when they are clear and apparently aligned with existence, or at least my immediate experience. I don’t love them when they are muddled, unclear, confused, incoherent, pedestrian or when they don’t align so well with my experience. So I want and try to invite and hold onto thoughts that I love, that appear beautiful or at least interesting. And I try to push away and get rid of thoughts that are not beautiful or not very interesting. It is a constant struggle, a constant battle, and I get exhausted from it. It wears me out. And it overwhelms me at times. I get caught up in my thoughts, and don’t experience life directly – it all gets filtered through whatever thoughts I am caught up in at the time.
  4. I would be more free from thoughts, from engaging in them, habitually exploring them, habitually getting caught up in them, habitually analyzing them and using them to analyze whatever happens.
  5. (a) I don’t love my thoughts. (Yes, that is as true. It is a struggle to get caught up in them. It wears me out at times. They are often confused, not very helpful, and trying to clarify them usually doesn’t help.)

    (b) My thoughts love my thoughts. (Yes, that is definitely true. They are fascinated with themselves, exploring themselves.)

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