Inquiry :: I need to struggle

 

In the series of inquiries into beliefs not aligned with my conscious worldview, but possibly still present somewhere…

I need to struggle (to grow, mature, awaken, have an interesting and meaty life).

  1. Yes (I can find that in me, although it is not completely my conscious view).
  2. No (Cannot know that for sure, nor that it will always be my path).
  3. What happens when I believe that thought?

    I seek out places to struggle – situations that are difficult, challenging, not easy. And I tend to leave situations where things are going smoothly, where there is ease. There is a sense of struggle and ambivalence in all of this – seeing that I sometimes leave easy and meaningful situations for those which are more challenging in many areas. A sense of loss sometimes, and wondering why I follow this pattern. Does it all come from just a belief? Am I blindly trapped in it? Fear of what this pattern may bring in the future.

    What is the worst that can happen if this belief goes away?

    I won’t mature. I will just live an easy life, with little friction and little growing.

  4. Who or what would I be without that thought?

    Free to enjoy life as it is, whether there is ease or struggle.

    >> Free to stay with what is, even if it is easy, free of struggle.

  5. (a) I don’t need to struggle.

    Yes, that is as or more true. There are several places in life where I don’t struggle, and it goes fine. I don’t need struggle everywhere, nor all the time. It is there if it is there, and if not – that is OK as well. I can even see the possibility of a full and rich live without sense of struggle, and that being very much OK as well.

    (b) My thoughts need to struggle.

    Yes, I can see that. In some ways, its their job. They struggle with the world, with situations, differentiating, sorting out, asking questions. And that is fine. It is what they are there for.

    (c) My thoughts don’t need to struggle.

    I can see that as well. They are just doing their job, exploring the world through abstractions, and there is no need for an overlay of struggle. And this overlay of struggle comes from beliefs in the thoughts, so when the beliefs fall away, they are free to function without struggle.

I need to fail in the world (to awaken, to have an interesting and meaty life).

  1. Yes (Feels true, at a certain level.)
  2. No (Cannot know that is true. Also, cannot know that is my only path.)
  3. What happens when I believe that thought?

    Excitement of failure, looking forward to failure – in whatever way it comes up, at micro and macro scales. Also dread of it. A great deal of ambivalence. And expectation of it, expecting it to come up one way or another, in any area of life. I also realize that I don’t quite know what failure means, apart from in the general and fuzzy conventional sense.

    >> I may also set myself up for failure in various ways, seeking difficult situations and that which falls apart, and leaving that which is going well, where everything falls into place. I seek that which is difficult and does not go well, because it seems more meaty. I leave that which goes well, because it seems too easy.

    What is the worst that can happen if this belief goes away?

    I will not get the lessons I need to mature, awaken, have a full and meaty life. And I will be blind to what I am missing out of.

  4. Who or what would I be without that thought?

    Feel to enjoy what is, whether it is easy and enjoyable or not. Maybe especially that which is easy, falls into place, and enjoyable.

    Free from seeking the “meaty” only in difficult situations and that which falls apart.

    Free from thinking that I need to see problems and difficulties to mature, grow, find realization, awaken, find meaning in life, fulfill my path.

  5. (a) I don’t need to fail.

    Yes, that is as or more true. There are many examples of me not failing, according to conventional and other views. Some examples: I have a reasonable good education. I live in a relatively large and very nice house. I am in a long-term relationship which is going quite well. I have a minimum amount of insights into how we function as humans (although quite limited as well). I have OK skills in many areas (although always room for improvement). I am still alive. I am relatively healthy. I have good friends. I experience joy and enjoyment throughout my daily life.

    (b) My thoughts need to fail.

    Yes, that is also as or more true. It is their nature to fail, in the sense that they are just maps of the terrain, just abstractions, the menu rather than the meal.

    Also, my thoughts can be said to fail when they are believed in, when they are taken as accurate representations of the terrain. They need to be noticed when they fail, and they fail when there is a belief in them.

    (c) My thoughts don’t need to fail.

    No, they do their job perfectly as abstract explorers of the world.

    Also, if they are seen as failing when believed in, there is inquiry and the possibility of releasing them from belief. When they are released from belief, they are seen as what they are – abstract explorations of the world, and how they serve a very useful function in that way. They are not failures anymore, only useful tools.

    (d) Others need to fail.

    Yes, because they do too (according to conventional views on failure, either at macro or micro scales and in different areas of life).

    (e) Others don’t need to fail.

    Yes, and also because each of them don’t fail in many different ways.

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