Peeling Off

 

It seems that as the deepening into selflessness – both the realization of it (seeing through the belief in the idea of I) and the living of it (reorganization at our human level) – there is a sense of peeling off more layers.

Layers which previously were “innocent” now come to the surface, demanding attention, one after another. And they sometimes have consequences in my daily life, creating apparent blocks where there used to be none or few, inviting awareness into the issue.

Along with this is a continuing normalization of the sense of selflessness, appearing more and more ordinary and unremarkable.

And there is still a sense of “dryness”, of not finding any excitement in it – even the explorations at the edge of selflessness. It all seems neutral, in any sense of the word. All dials are at zero.

There is also a sense of a relatively stable transparency now, a sense of the Ground co-existing with a vague sense of I – transparent to this ground. I assume this is a quite typical phase in the process – where the habitual sense of I is still around to some extent, yet also seen as not real when looked at, and transparent to the Ground.

When I look, I find myself as “capacity for the world” as Douglas Harding puts it. This human self happens, along with the rest of the world of phenomena, within space and awareness. There is no strong sense of identification with any of it. And yet, there is the vague and habitual sense of “self” in some areas, although transparent and not believeable when looked into.

It all seems similar to a purgatory, although that too is just a story. Just another story, aimed at making sense of what is happening and providing some comfort. Another story used to distract from what is.

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