Dream, May 18
I was at the coast, and our house were up on top of an embankment of boulders and cement. The ocean swelled and the waves came higher, although not quite up to the house. My wife and brother were there. I was initially concerned for the house and ourselves, but then saw that the house seemed safe and that I was OK as well. My brother fell into the waves, and I jumped in and rescued him.
This dream may be about feeling overwhelmed – by all the hangups I see in myself, all the beliefs to inquire into, my situation and all decisions to make to untangle myself from this quagmire. The ocean swells, washing up to the foundation of my house. Someone almost drown. Although I was able to save him anyway.
I went to the first of four afternoons on dreamwork with Arny Mindell at the Process Work center in Portland today, and had a chance to work on this dream using the vector technique.
I first walked the direction of myself in the dream (small me), then the direction of the most compelling dream image (the swelling ocean), and then the line from the starting point to the end point (which is the sum of the two initial lines – small me and the ocean together).
Walking the third line – from starting point to end point, the line of the sum of small me and the ocean, the line of big me (or rather Big Mind) – I saw…
First, how I – as small me – shrunk in the situation, into seeing myself as small, limited, a victim of the ocean, separate, alien from the ocean.
Then, seeing small me and the ocean together, I saw how there is the very real opportunity of opening up for both – for connection. I can find the ocean in myself, and thus not be afraid of its external manifestations – and know how to flow with it and respond to it. I can find the larger whole which embraces both (Big Mind and then Integrated Free Functioning Self). I can find the Dao, which is the larger whole expressing itself as small me and the ocean both – in one fluid seamless process.
And finally, I saw how the dream pushed me into this third line – this combination of small me and the swelling ocean – by having my brother fall into the waves and me jumping after him to save him. The patterns of holding back are just a ghost these days, just old habits not needed anymore, and this – the dream + this vector work – is what it took to have me see that, or at least have a glimpse of it.
Now, a few days later (May 25), what stays with me from this dream is how I already know how to deal with the swelling and dramatic ocean – I know how it functions from the inside, there is no separation between us yet there is also room for distinction, I know how to flow and roll with it, yet also taking care of myself and others. I am fluid enough with it to even save others within it.
At the same time, I see how my habitual pattern is to stay back. To stay more passive being concerned about it. To not jump into it until I am nudged or pushed into it – although when this nudge comes, I do it without much or any hesitation.
The ocean is life – my life, human life, Earth life, this universe, Existence. It is the Dao. It is the form aspect of Big Mind. It is the dancing of emptiness.
And I am familiar enough with it now to dance with it, to flow and engage with the Dao, to jump into and find myself as the rolling and swelling ocean – and my human self at the same time, able to engage with others.