Another rambling post…
For a while now, there has been a floating at the edge of I-Other and absence of I-Other. It is quite interesting to explore this area.
I see that some times, there is an identification with parts of my human self – sensations, emotions, thoughts, and an appearance of an “I” being located somewhere in/around this human self. There is a sense of a center here, of a seer and seen, of I and Other. Of this human self being qualitatively different from any other part of what is happening.
Other times, everything becomes a seamless field – this human self, trees, desk, cat, the wind, sounds, sensations, emotions, thoughts, other people, and there is a disidentification with any part of it. It all just happens, seemingly on its own. No aspect of this field has an “I” in it. No aspect is particularly identified with to the exclusion of anything else. It is beyond intimate. There is “I” anywhere and nowhere in particular. Just one seamless field. Everything just happening within this field, including anything there was previously an exclusive identification with – any aspect of this human self.
It is really quite similar to a movie screen: a radical equality and neutrality to each aspect of the image. Every aspect is projected equally onto the screen, independent of what label we may put on it. It is a seamless image, independent and distinct from any labels put on any parts of it.
Every aspect of the image is distinct, there is differentiation, yet just one seamless image.
The whole field is there, the content is just as before. Yet everything is just happening as part of this field. There is a radical equality and neutrality to it all. This human self is no different from any other part of the field. It just happens, as the clouds happen, the trees, the cat, the computer, the sounds of a fan, people walking by and talking. It is all just Ground manifesting in all these forms.
A seamless field of radical equality and neutrality, of no identification with any part to the exclusion of anything else, of no “I” inherent anywhere. Of it all just happening within this field. Of everything just happening on its own. Of everything living its own life: this human self, sensations, emotions, thoughts, behavior, the clouds, trees, cats, computers, sounds, people.
Everything is just happening on its own, living its own life, within this seamless field.
Any resistance arises within this field, harmless, just happening along with anything else.
If there is an identification with resistance, then the sense of I and Other arise immediately. And with it, the sense of drama and struggle, of rather of being caught up in the sense of drama and struggle. There is a sense of I being somewhere within the content of what is happening, and other content becomes Other.
And if any resistance is recognized as simply arising within the field, along with everything else, then it is revealed as innocent and harmless. It arises within the radical equality and neutrality of everything else. The I is everywhere and nowhere in context and content.
Not yet popped
And there is also the recognition that this has not yet “popped” completely. It is almost there. It is swimming at the edge of recognizing radical selflessness, of no I anywhere. Although still with a vague sense of “I” there, even as the field goes towards noticing itself as radical equality and neutrality.
There is a transparency of I towards the Ground, yet not Ground coming into the foreground.
And the trick is of course to see that this sense of I too is just part of this seamless field. It arises within the radical equality of anything else.
Field of radical equality
This comes up quite frequently now, for instance on a walk Sunday, and also as Jen and I watched a video with Papaji last night. We both noticed how we went into a very silent space while watching, just from his presence even as conveyed through a movie. The diksha energy went wild. And I went into the field of radical equality noticing, beneath the layer of I and Other.