Statement: He shouldn’t be preachy.
- Is it true?
Yes, feels true.
What is my evidence?
It is counterproductive. It turns people off. It is annoying.
How does that prove it?
- Can I know for sure it is true?
No. Also cannot know what is best for him, and others including me.
- What happens when I believe that thought?
I get annoyed. Experience a sense of separation. See the two of us as on either side of a boundary. See myself as right and him as wrong.
When did I first have that thought?
Hmm.. not sure. I don’t think I knew many preachy people growing up, but may have seen some in the media. Maybe also a teacher.
How do I treat others when I have that thought?
If not preachy, then an ally. If preachy, then as someone who doesn’t quite get it.
How do I treat myself?
As someone who is not preachy. Someone who gets it.
Where does my mind go?
Into stories about preachiness being ineffective, coming from projections (taking advice that is really for oneself and putting it on others) and so on. Also, sometimes internal dialogues with the person, shooting down their arguments and approach.
- Who or what would I be without it?
OK with it, even as I don’t participate, or maybe choose to not be around or spend much time with that person. At peace. Taking care of myself.
- He should be preachy.
Yes. He should be preachy, because that is where life has brought him right now. It may change at any time, but for now, this is what is. Also, it will give him an opportunity to explore and experience the effects of preachiness, both for himself and how others respond. And it helps me see my own beliefs about preachiness, and nudge me to explore them.
- I shouldn’t be preachy.
Yes, that is true as well. When I tell myself that he shouldn’t be preachy, I am preachy. I think I know how things should be, and engage in dialogues about it – either with myself or others. Any time I believe a story, I am preachy, whether I speak it or not. I am internally preachy. When he is preachy in an interpersonal and obvious way, he is just mirroring what I do whenever I believe a story.
- I should be preachy.
Well, true too. As with him, this is where life has brought me.
- My thinking shouldn’t be preachy.
Yes, it is my thinking that is preachy – whether I speak it or not. Whenever there is a belief, thoughts tends to get wrapped up in it and fuel supporting stories around it. My thoughts get preachy whenever a story is believed in.
- My thinking should be preachy.
Similar to above. Life has set beliefs up here and now, so thoughts inevitably get preachy. It is what is, here now. And it is an opportunity and invitation to explore it, get to know it, become more familiar with it.
- He should be preachy.