Rocking the boat

 

I participate in a group that has a tendency to opaqueness and inconsistent rules (including with finances), and I am in the process of rocking the boat to see what will happen.

Some interpersonal tensions are emerging, and it is a great opportunity to explore those things. How can I communicate and act clearly, fairly, and with integrity? What can I do on my own to work on this?

What I am doing on my own includes mostly projection work and heart centered practices, in different forms.

What beliefs are behind how I am reacting in this situation? The organization should be transparent, especially with finances. Is that true? Exploring this, I can at the very least gain some empathy and understanding of where they are coming from, and also some release from blindly being in the grips of that belief.

I can be with whatever emotions come up. In this case, some fluttering and occasional frustration, anger (not being heard) and fear (what will happen with me in relation to that group?) By being with these emotions, in a wholehearted and heartfelt way, they are revealed as something else.

I have used tong-len practice, to take in whatever distress comes up in the others, and send to them whatever equanimity and clarity is here. This works both in terms of projections, in finding in myself what I see in them (rigidity, stuckness in old patterns, opaqueness, favoritism) and the other way around (clarity, compassion, wanting what is best), and for opening my heart. It evens the field containing all of us. There is a shift from a sense of split in the field to seeing it as seamless.

And I also visualize myself as them, one at a time. I see myself as their physical form, then personality and lives, and take time to allow a felt-sense to emerge. This too helps in working with projections, seeing in myself what I see in them, and in softening and opening my heart, opening for a genuine love for them as they are.

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