Layers of release and harvesting of nutrients

 

In working on knots, I notice two layers.

First, it is the release from being blindly caught up in it. It is a release from beliefs, identifications, shoulds, and the war created by these. I find more peace with whatever is going on, I befriend it. I shift into that part of my that naturally allows it, which is myself as awareness.

Then it is the layer of accepting the gifts and harvesting the nutrients inside of it. I do this through The Work, in exploring the truths in the turnarounds of the initial belief, and then bringing these turnarounds into my daily life. I do it through voice dialog and the Big Mind process, when I investigate what the disowned voice has to offer to this human self, and how I can find a more nourishing relationship with it. I do it through Process Work, when I become the Other and that which holds both what I previously identified with and the Other. And there are innumerable other ways of finding the gifts and harvesting the nutrients inside of the knot and the (previous) disturbance.

The release is a transcending of blindly identifying with it, and the harvesting of nutrients is an active embrace of its content.

I have had something very similar to chronic fatigue for many years, and see this quite clearly there.

Sometimes, the fatigue and its effects is an Other, a disturbance, and I am caught up in blind identification with the whole knot of fatigue and that which resists it. It all feels very personal.

Other times, there is a release from identification with the knot, and a release from being blindly caught up in the struggle around it. It becomes less personal. It arises as part of this field of awakeness and form, along with everything else. It is there, but my identification is not caught up in it anymore. This in itself is a great relief.

Then, I also actively explore the content and gifts of the fatigue.

I shouldn’t have fatigue > I should have it. Why should I have it? What are the genuine gifts in it for me?

  1. It allows me to relax. I used to be very driven, unable to relax for very long. Now, I am at peace with relaxing and not doing much. I am able to embrace that side of myself and life more wholeheartedly now.
  2. Also, it humbles me in a good way. It brings me out of the blind arrogance that came from being so active and productive. I join humanity more fully.
  3. It helps me explore different approaches to health and healing, at all levels. It has brought me to many modalities, and encouraged me to explore each one more fully than I would otherwise.

In my daily life, I see that when I get caught up into resisting the fatigue, it becomes an enemy, an Other, a disturbance, a problem. On top of the fatigue, I add a war and struggle which in itself makes it much more difficult. If I befriend the fatigue, I can actually find a support from it. If I join with it, I find that it helps me relax more deeply even as I am active in the world. In particular, it helps me relax and be more comfortable in social situations. It gives a sense of grounding. It helps me find myself as the ground of all that is happening, already allowing and embracing it all.

Through voice dialog, Process Work and shamanic journeying, I can explore all of this in more detail.

I find myself as the fatigue, the symptom maker, and explore what I have to offer to this human self. What does he need to see and know? What can I contribute to his life? What are my gifts? How does he relate to me? How can he harvest my gifts more fully?

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