What comes up

 

I am still learning to be OK with and trust the impulses that comes up, allowing the process to unfold and go wherever its inherent intelligence takes it.
In this case, it has to do with what I write about here. My thoughts tells me it is all completely obvious. I have already written about it ad nauseum. There are lots of other topics equally or more important. Why not expand? Why not explore something else? Why chose to appear as a monomaniac on this blog, when that is not so much the case in the rest of my life? Why have a blog in the first place? Why embarrass myself by spending time and energy exploring and writing about what is really just life 101?

Yet, the same topics still come up, still wanting to be explored. So there must still be more for me there.

One of the reasons these same topics keep coming up is that I am involved in groups that do not see this as obvious, which is a curse, since their focus is far more narrow than I would like. And it is a blessing, since it nudges me to make this more my own. It is also humbling in a good way, since it forces me to more actively go into and explore things that I consciously take as life 101.

I know from experience that if I fully allow it, if I wholeheartedly go along with it and go into the process, then it frees up the flow and it brings me somewhere surprising and more rich and interesting than what I could have thought out in advance. The process has its own intelligence, far beyond my limited horizon. And by letting go, by actively following the process, it also frees up my more ordinary intelligence and guidance.

They both become alive and active. The deep current is there, mysteriously taking me somewhere unfamiliar to me. And my ordinary intelligence is there as well, now more stimulated and engaged by the deeper current.

If I resist the process, there is a sense of stagnation and stuckness. I try to go one direction, exclusively guided by my thoughts, and the process wants to take my in another direction, so there is a tug-of-war which is only exhausting.

So, I choose to humble myself, writing about whatever I write about here.

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