Inquiry: They shouldn’t have closed the RoundRobin.

 

They shouldn’t have closed the RoundRobin. (To those who have not done The School.)

Byron Katie’s organization have a roundrobin system that used to be open to anyone. You would sign up, get matched with someone else, and then do daily inquiries over phone for a month, taking turns facilitating each other. I did it for a year and a half, and got a great deal out of it. They decided to close it a few months ago, limiting it to those who have done The School, a several day (and quite expensive) training in The Work that I haven’t attended.

  1. True?
    Yes. This one too feels true, and I don’t have trouble finding stories supporting it.
  2. Sure?
    No. Don’t know their reasons, the impact it has on those left out, or what that means in the long run or the big picture. Also, it is their system so their decision. (Even if it impacts me in ways I don’t like.)
  3. What happens when I believe that thought?
    • I feel I am right and they are wrong. I know better.
    • I go into victim mode. I got a great deal out of it, did it sincerely and diligently for so long, and they now shut me out of it.
    • I go into stories around how their decision is flawed.
      • Some folks who have never done The School seem far more sincere and sophisticated in The Work than folks who have done it. Some folks who have never done The School do the Work on a far more regular basis, and spread it far more, than many who have done The School.
      • It seems like an arbitrary decision to use participation in The School to limit people who can join the roundrobin.
      • The School is very expensive. Not everyone has the money to do it. Why should they be left out just because of lack of money? To be left out in this way is a double punishment: First, they don’t have the money to do it. Then they are left out of the roundrobin too.
      • Why leave large groups of people out of it, people who are sincere and experienced with The Work, and could benefit greatly from it? It makes no sense.
    • I go into stories of what this means for me. It was an important part of my daily life for so long, and is now gone. And I am not very successful in finding new partners, even if I post on The Work email lists and try in other ways.
    • I go into stories of how others too are left out. Others who may have benefited greatly when they were part of the roundrobin system, and got kicked out the same way as myself. Others, who would have joined if they could, but now can’t.
    • I am unable and unwilling to look into any good reasons they may have had for having made the decision. I only see how it is unwise and has undesirable impacts on people.
    • I feel hurt. Left out. Frustrated. Eventually, after having tried to create an alternative system for myself and failed, hopeless.
    • I feel resentment towards those who made the decision. Don’t they realize the impact it may have on people left out? What are they supposed to do?
    • I see the tendency to act as a victim to punish whomever made the decision, to make them regret it. (As if they would ever know.) This one is difficult to admit.
    • I experience separation. Being left out. Seeing myself as right.
    • My breath becomes shallow. My muscles tense up, especially in the calves. There is a sense of panic if I go far enough into these stories. Of the world coming to an end.
  4. Who would I be without that belief?
    • OK with the situation. Clear. Able to work with the situation more effectively. Receptive to different options.
  5. Turnarounds.
    • The should have closed the roundrobin.
      • Well, they did so they must have had good reasons. (At least in their own minds.)
      • Who knows what will come out of it? It was probably good for the ones still in it, since they know can do it only with more experienced people.
      • It helped me see how much I got out of it, so find more appreciation for it. And it helps me see my beliefs around it.
    • I shouldn’t have closed the roundrobin.
      • I close it down in my own mind, when I believe that initial thought. I go into hopelessness, even as I try to find alternatives for myself.
    • I shouldn’t have closed me.
      • Yes, as above. I close myself down when I believe that thought. I get caught up in reactive emotions. I see only a limited set of possibilities for myself. I go into hopelessness.

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4 thoughts on “Inquiry: They shouldn’t have closed the RoundRobin.

  1. Hi Per,

    Great inquiry – so here’s where I went – They should have closed the roundrobin / why it is better that they did:

    1. To help you see a stressful thought – they did it just for you (and me)!

    2. You and I would probably never have connected if it had remained open

    3. You would probably not have joined the Yahoo group and have all kinds of stuff coming through there

    With love and thanks for giving me a smile 🙂

    Jon

  2. Hi Jon, yes, good ones.

    A few other reasons that came up for me during the day:

    * It helps me see how important The Work is for me.

    * It invites me to be more proactive in finding roundrobin partners, which brings me on a journey that can have many benefits, including some of the ones you mentioned.

    * It encourages me to contact past roundrobin partners that I enjoyed doing The Work with. Maybe they’ll want to have me as a roundrobin partner again for a month?

    * It invites me to do The Work more on my own, which makes me more self-reliant. It may also help me discover things that way that I wouldn’t have if mostly did it with others. (Norms form in any community, including The Work community, so it frees me from those norms.)

    * It encourages me to do inquiry more with my partner, who is one of the best The Work facilitators I have worked with. (Although she has never gone to The School! 🙂 ) I can find more gratitude for this opportunity.

    * It invites me to see myself in anyone who feel they are left out of something due to boundaries of different sorts. It opens for empathy, and a sense of “us” in it.

    * It invites me to see how decisions made at group level often don’t work for each individual, yet still make sense at the group level. I sometimes agree with group level decisions, even if they have consequences for me personally that I don’t like.

    * It helps me step out of my own narrow interests, seeing that it probably makes a good deal of sense to them to do it this way. They wouldn’t have done it unless they have good reasons for it. For instance, it probably makes quality exchanges more likely when both have done The School. (Although a quality exchange is always only dependent on one person: myself.)

  3. Turns out they are planning a RoundRobin system for nongraduates/graduates. Here is an email from Maggie at The Work Institute:

    We would love to support you in making The Work a part of your daily life. We are currently working on a system where those who have not attended the School can be paired in round robin with a School graduate. We don’t know when that system will be in place so in the meantime here are some suggestions: You could call the hotline which is a free service or contact one of the certified facilitators listed on Katie’s website.

    So I got to see my beliefs around this, connect with previous RoundRobin partners, and they are in the process of setting up a RoundRobin system that I can participate in. Certainly a win-win situation all around.

  4. Thank you for your wonderful post. It has been my experience that sometimes the more “organized” things become, sometimes the desire for “truth” can shift to a desire for “maintenance” of a system.
    The work of Byron Katie Has many people that work for katie that make business decisions that may not reflect Katie’s intentions for getting the work out into the world. Alas, as much respect as I have for katie, I think that the last thing that should be monopolized is a method for healing.

    I have a radio show and would like to offer a chance for listeners to aid one another in self inquiring on the show. I have contacted katie to inquire about sharing her method on the show with listeners (with credit given to katie of course) if i am not able i will not be limited to the thought that i need to use katie’s method alone as a means to self inquiry and to help others to achieve peace. I have a friend who has independently developed a similar method of inquiry of stress called “belief busting” whose methods I might choose to incorporate into the show.

    Thank you for your inquiry…. It had paralleled many of my own thoughts.

    <3 Monica

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