I read a great post from Vince on how to relate to accusations.
One thing I would like to add to the list is gaining insight from the content of the accusations. In this way, we benefit from the content, and the other person benefits from feeling heard and acknowledged.
(Few things are as annoying as being caught up in reactivity and sharing it with someone who just goes into equanimity without relating to the content of what we have to say.)
Anything anyone has to say about us has, inevitably, some grain of truth in it.
How can I find it in myself? Can I find three or more examples in my own life where it is genuinely true for me, maybe even in how I relate to this person right now?
Why is it better that this person said this in exactly this way? Can I find three genuine examples of why it is better?