Inquiry: It is better if I get what I want.

 

It is better if I get what I want.

  1. True?
    • Seems that way sometimes. It feels that way. (Reactiveness when it doesn’t happen.) I can find stories telling me it is true. I can find others who agree.
    • Where is my evidence? Hm…. I can find others who agrees. It seems a common idea in our culture. I feel better when I get what I want. But none of those are good evidence. It is no evidence at all.
  2. Sure?
    • No. It is just an opinion. Just a human being telling the universe how it should function.
  3. What happens when I believe that thought?
    • If I get what I want: Feel good. Satisfied. For a while. Then it passes. Also, di/stress around the possibility of the situation changing to something I don’t want.
    • If I don’t get what I want: Frustrated. Angry. Grief. Hopeless. (Just depends.)
    • If focus on something in the future: Plan how to get it. Fear of not getting it.
    • Victim mode. A victim of a life and universe that doesn’t conform to how I would like it to be. I want it a certain way. It sometimes shows up differently. So I am a victim.
    • When did I first have that thought? Probably early on. Probably learned from those around me. My parents. Older kids.
    • What am I not receptive to when I have that belief? I am not receptive to what is, especially when it does not conform to my wishes.
    • What feelings do I get to avoid when I have that belief? Hm. The feelings of sadness, disappointment, anger, frustration. (Those arise from that belief as well, interesting cycle.)
  4. Who would I be without it?
    • Curious. Interested in what is happening. Allowing whatever experience is happening. Sense of joy. Adventure. Receptivity. Engaged or sitting back, depending on the situation. Interested in finding my way through it, in the different ways it may happen. Solution oriented.
  5. Turnarounds.
    • It is not better if I get what I want.
      • No, who am I to say? I don’t have the answer to those things.
      • It helps me notice and investigate my beliefs around it, as I do here.
      • Not getting what we want is universal. It invites me to open my heart to myself and others. Notice how we are all in the same boat. It invites me to mature a little. Grow up.
    • It is worse if I get what I want.
      • Well, sometimes I want something, and when I get it, I see that it wasn’t quite what I thought it would be.
      • It doesn’t invite me to notice and question my beliefs around it. If anything, it may reinforce this particular belief and related ones.
      • It doesn’t invite me to grow up.
    • It is better if I don’t get what I want.
      • Yes, for the reasons above. It helps me notice and questions my beliefs around it. It invites me to open my heart to myself and others. It invites me to mature, to grow up.
    • It is better for my thinking to not get what it wants.
      • Yes, it is a cold shower for my thinking. Sobering. Startling. Brings attention to the dynamic. Invites questioning of beliefs, of stories my thinking take as true.
    • It is better for what I want to not get me.
      • Yes, that is very true. It is better for it to not capture me. It is better if I have investigated the story, so it doesn’t capture me.

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