If we are used to take ourselves as content of experience, and this content does not show up as we are used to, what then?
I don’t do recreational drugs, or even much alcohol, so I don’t know how it is when content gets weird in that way.
But I do get sick occasionally, as right now, and fewer can easily make the content of experience different from what I am used to, especially during the night when the anchors of the routines of daily life, and ordinary sense experiences, are not there in the same way.
Last night, the content of experience was especially fluid, ephemeral and non-standard. Looking at the sense fields, I couldn’t find much that was similar to how this human self usually shows up. (I could still function relatively well when I got up, although that was more from habit than anything else, my human self being in the habit of functioning in certain ways.)
I noticed that if there was even a hint of resistance to this experience, it became disconcerting and uncomfortable.
Yet, as soon as I fully allowed the experience, as it is, as if it would never change, there was a sense of nurturing fullness and of “being home”, independent of how content of experience shows up. The content of experience stayed the same fluid, ephemeral and unusual self, but it was completely OK. Even enjoyable.
Allowing experience fully, I find myself as that which experience happens within, to and as. It is difficult to describe, but if I try, I can say that I find myself as nothing, timeless, spaceless, yet somehow showing up as awake, form, experience. As that which does not move, yet allows and shows up as movement.
More precisely, there is no I there anywhere, just what is arising within, to and as this field of awakeness and form.