Exploring a sense of doer

 

One of my practices lately has been to explore the sense of doer.

How does it appear when I shift into Big Mind or headlessness? I find that even the sense of doer happens within and as what I am. There is a release of an exclusive identification with a sense of doer and into the field that allows and is whatever is happening.

And I explore it through the sense fields.

How does it appear in the sense fields? What I find is that within the body-sensation field, it shows up as some of the sensations in the head/neck area. (Which ones change a little over time.) Within the mental field, it shows up as a (somewhat fuzzy) image of a homunculus, a little man pulling levers and looking at screens. And this mental image (or collection of images) are anchored on those sensations in the head area. Together, they create a gestalt – the sense of – a doer. (Doer, thinker, chooser etc.)

And what are these sense fields and the gestalt made up of? I find that it too is awareness itself. A no-thing appearing as something. Ephemeral. Insubstantial. And as a gestalt, imagined.

At least, that is how it is right now. It is new each time, and may appear quite different in the future. Who knows.

Seeing this a few times and getting an intellectual understanding of it, is one thing. Quite another is to explore it over and over, each time as if it was the first time, and gradually become familiar with what I find as a lived insight.

Initial outline…

  • Big Mind/headlessness
    • sense of doer happening within and as what I am
  • explore through sense fields
    • notice components of a sense of doer (sensations + thought/image
    • notice sense fields, including sense of doer, as empty (awareness/no-thing)

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