Exploring fear

 

Here (again) is my main practice these days…

I notice when I get caught up in beliefs and emotional attachments. (Sense of Tension. Stress. Resisting experience. Separation. An identity, position or (other) story to protect.)

Where in my body do I feel it? What are the sensations?

Can I meet and welcome these sensations? Be with them?

Is there a fear behind the belief/emotional attachment?

Where in my body is it? What does it feel like?

Can I meet and welcome this fear? Can I be with it?

What do I notice?

What I find is not really that important. It will change over time. It is the process of exploration itself – and especially the shift into being with whatever is there in a quiet and kind way – that is more interesting.

Still, it can be helpful to note what I find, right now, when I do these explorations…

I notice that there is a fuzzy fear behind the belief/emotional attachment. When I don’t recognize and meet this fear, I may get caught in the impulse towards belief/emotional attachment. When I recognize and meet it, that impulse falls away or at least I don’t get caught in it. There is a felt sense of spaciousness in all directions. Of don’t know. Receptivity. Curiosity.

So it seems that when fear is not met, it has a tendency to move into beliefs/emotional attachments. This does at least two things. First, it provides another target for attention so it doesn’t have to stay with or meet the fear. And second, it does provide a sense of security, of “I know”, although it is a pretty shaky sense of security. When the fear is met, in a quiet way and with heart, I find whatever I tried to find through going into beliefs/emotional attachments, although in a much more relaxed and spacious way.

Outline…

  • notice beliefs + emotional attachments
    • notice where in body experience it + how it is experienced
    • quietly meet those sensations
    • notice fear behind, where in the body + how experience
      • quietly meet that fear
  • what find
    • move away from fear > beliefs/emotional attachments
      • take a fixed position, take stories as true, identify with content of awareness, sense of a separate I
    • meet fear > impulse to go into beliefs/emotional attachments fall away
      • open in all directions, receptivity, release identification out of stories/content of awareness, more easy to notice what we are

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