Exploring that sense of I

 

I enjoy exploring that sense of I… in both its versions. 

First, when there is a sense of a separate I, where is it? Where is it located? What is it made up of? 

Looking here now, I find it located in the head area. I find it as a “center” located on sensations in several places on the neck/head area. It seems to be especially located on the more prominent sensations created by more tense muscles. And on top of this is an image of a separate I centered in that same area, and also the image of an observer located outside of/behind/above the head. This image of an observer is also “anchored” on sensations in the head area, but displaced a little in space. 

The details around this is not so important. What is more important is to notice the gestalt of a separate I and how it is made up of simple sensations and images. 

I can then ask myself, is this content of experience? Is it different from any other content of experience? How is it different from the gestalt of my right leg, also made up of sensations and mental field images? Is the only difference in identification? A story telling me that one is more “I” than the other? 

What happens when I see – and feel – how it is all content of experience? Is there a softening of identification out of the gestalt of a separate I? 

These gestalts come and go, and they are content of experience as any other content of experience…

What am I really if I am not that gestalt of a separate I, or any gestalt? 

What am I if I am not any particular content of experience? 

What is the real “I”? 

The first version of that sense of “I” is the sense of separate I located in/around this human self, including in its flavors of a doer or an observer. 

And when I am curious about this sense of a separate I, when I welcome it, explore it, notice where and what it is here now, there is a noticing of this as just a gestalt, just another content of experience, and identification with it is invited to soften and release. Leaving what I really am to notice itself a little more easily.

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