I notice a series of shifts for myself…
First, there is a noticing of what I am and what everything is. All is awakeness, no thing appearing as something, the play of Ground, and so on.
But something is left out. The sense of a separate I – as a doer and/or observer – is left out of this, and is still taken as what I am.
There is a oneness state here. A separate I one with everything, and all as awakeness itself.
And also a sense that something is missing. It is not quite complete yet.
And as the sense of separate I comes and goes (kensho), I may tell myself that the sense of a separate I is what prevents a more complete awakening, when it returns “I lost it”, and a seeking for the state where it is not present anymore.
Yet, this too feels a little off. There is too much struggle there. Too much dependence on content of experience. On something being present or not in content of experience.
And from here, a recognition that the sense of a separate I – of a doer and observer – is innocent. It is content of experience, as any other content of experience. It comes and goes, living its own life on its own schedule, as any other content of experience. It is a gestalt as any other gestalt.
The final veil is here seen as identification itself. And then this too may be recognized as the play of Ground, as OK as it.
In all of these there is a basic recognition of what I am and everything is. There is a recognition of “all” as awakeness, no thing appearing as something and so on, and of what I am as that which everything happens within and as.
But something may be left out of this conscious recognition, and that is the sense of a separate I as a doer and/or observer. There is still identification with that particular gestalt. And as it comes and goes, the gestalt itself may be seen as the problem and the final veil, and there is a wish to keep it gone. Then, this gestalt is recognized as no different from any other gestalt or any other content of experience, and identification with it is recognized as the veil. And then, this veil too is recognized as the play of Ground. It is all OK as is.
In this sense, the awakening process is a process of clarification and including more and more in what is noticing as the play of Ground itself.
So here is one possible process…
- Recognizing “all” as awakeness and Ground, yet leaving out the sense of a doer/observer and still taking that as what I am
- Taking the gestalt of a doer/observer as the final veil, and what needs to fall away
- Taking identification with the doer/observer gestalt as the final veil and what needs to fall away
- Noticing all of this as awakeness itself, as the play of Ground
As I am still in the middle of all of this, this is all quite confused and I am sure I am missing quite a bit.
This sense of a separate I may come and go, and when it goes, there may be the thought that “I lost it”.
In the process of noticing what we are, and living more from it, I notice one particular shift for myself….
First, there may be a noticing of what everything is, but still an unnoticed identification as a separate I. There is a oneness state, a separate I (doer, observer) that is one with everything. And everything may well be recognized – in immediacy – as awakeness, no thing appearing as something, the play of Ground, and so on.
Here, the sense of a separate I may come and go (kensho). And as it comes and goes, and there is a natural curiosity about this sense of a separate I, another shift eventually comes.
The sense of a separate I comes and goes, but something does not come and go. What “I” really am does not come and go. What is it that all this happens within and as?
The sense of a doer and observer is content of experience too, as any other content of experience. What happens if they are taken as what I am, more than anything else? What happens if they are not?
The sense of a doer and observer are gestalts just like any other gestalts. They are made up of sensations and images, just like the gestalts of space, time, causality, “me”, emotions, pain and so on. They are all content of experience. They all come and go on their own, on their own schedule. They are all imagined, mental field creations and overlays on the sense fields.
And it all happens as awakeness itself, as no thing appearing as something.
So in the beginning, there may be a recognition of “all” as awakeness, as no thing appearing as something. But a few gestalts are not included here. They are temporarily missed and identified with. And among these gestalts are the ones of a doer and/or observer.
Eventually, these too are included. These too are noticed as awakeness itself, as content of experience, as coming and going, living their own life on their own schedule, and as gestalts. There is no problem there, whether they visit or not.
And this is all the “I” and intention can do. Notice it all – investigating it all, including the sense of a separate I, and find what is more genuinely true than initial appearances. From here, grace must take over. (It is all grace anyway.)
The sense of a separate I happens on its own, on its own schedule, as any other content of experience. What happens when there is a sense of causality and a “doer”? Where does that come from? What is more genuinely true for me?
And I may also notice that this sense of a separate I is made up of sensations and images, as any other gestalt. It is no different from emotions, pain, joy, bliss and so on. It is all content of experience, and all gestalts made up of an overlay of mental field imagination on top of each of the sense fields. The “me” as a human self with a particular identity, the “I” as a doer and observer, pain, emotions, bliss… they are all gestalts created from a mental field overlay.
- last footholds, notice for myself
- first, sense of sep. I comes and goes, believe stories of right/wrong etc. around it
- then, notice sense of sep. I as sensation + image, appearing as doer, observer, etc.