Any advice is for myself. Any advice that comes up for me is primarily for myself, even if it initially appears to be for someone else.
When I take this as a question and a pointer, I find that it is a starting point for fertile exploration. What do I find when I investigate it through my own experience?
When advice comes up in my thoughts, what happens if I take it to be primarily for someone or something (life, God, a situation) else? How do I treat the other? How do I treat myself? Where do I experience it in my body? What do I fear would happen if I didn’t hold onto that advice as for someone else?
What happens if I take the advice as primarily for myself? Can I find the grain of truth in it? How is it a helpful advice for me in this situation? In what other specific situations can it be helpful advice for myself? How would it be to live from it?
When I take the advice as primarily for myself, how is it to then offer it to someone else? (If that seems appropriate and helpful.) What is different?
I can also take it further: What about advice from other sources and with other targets, is that too for myself? What happens if I see it as only for someone else? What happens if I take the advice for myself, finding the grain of truth in it and applying it in my life?
For instance, I may have the thought: Don’t be dogmatic, and then in my mind give the advice to someone else: They shouldn’t be so dogmatic.
If I see it as primarily for someone else, I tell myself I am right and they are wrong. I go into details on why that is so. I find allies – in my own thoughts or in conversation. I experience tension, stress, separation, precariousness. I feel that something is left hanging, especially if the other is not following the advice. If I chose to verbally give the advice to the other, it comes with an emotional charge. (And they are likely to reject, feel hurt, get defensive.)
When I take the advice as primarily for myself, I can find how it is true for me. I find how it is true for me in this situation, and in specific other situations. When I make it into a should for others, I am the one who is dogmatic. I can benefit from taking my own advice here and now. And I find that I can benefit from being less dogmatic whenever I make a story into a should, either for others or myself. Seeing this, and taking time to feel it in my body, there is a sense of fullness and wholeness, of coming home, of a puzzle piece falling into place.
- advice for myself – take as pointer, question, exploration
- what happens if I take it as only for someone else?
- what happens if I apply it for myself? where is the grain of truth in it? how would it be to live from it?
- what are some of the dynamics behind it?
- do I have in myself what I see in others?
- where is it all happening? the image of the other, the advice, the image of myself?
This is still one of the most helpful guidelines for me….
All advice is for myself.
Advice comes up.
If I take it as true and I tell myself it is for someone else, it becomes a should I put on someone else. And it has all the usual signs of a belief, including stress, a sense of separation, frustration and so on.
When I recognize that it is a pointer only, helpful in some ways and not in other, and I apply it to myself, there is a sense of guidance, wholeness and coming home. A puzzle piece is falling into place.
Exploring this further, I see that this goes for any advice that comes up, independent of source and intended target. I can try it on, find the grain of truth in it, live from it, and there is that same sense of guidance, coming home and a puzzle piece falling into place.
Advice comes up. I apply it to myself and find the grain of truth in it. And if it seems appropriate in the situation to mention it to someone else, I can, but now without the should.
What are some of the dynamics behind this? Why does it work to apply any advice for myself?
In a more conventional sense, I see that it has to do with projections. Whatever I see in someone else is something I recognize from myself, so any advice that comes up for me is for myself too.
Also, this is all happening within my own world of images. It is all happening within my own overlay of images – of others, advice, myself and so on – so even when advice appears to be for someone else, it is for myself since it is all happening within my own world of images.
And finally, if I am not willing to try it out for myself, how can I ask others to do it? It makes sense for me to apply it to myself first, and try it on.
All advice is for myself. Whatever advice comes up in thought is for myself, and whatever advice comes up independent of source and target is for myself.
- advice for myself
- advice comes up
- if apply it only to someone else, don’t benefit from it myself (+ caught up in blind projection)
- when apply it to myself, guidance, sense of wholeness, coming home, puzzle piece falling into place
- (then recognize that any advice is for myself, independent of source – can try it on, find the grain of truth in it, live from it)
- practical approach
- apply it to myself
- then mention it to the other, if seems that can be helpful in a practical sense
- apply to myself b/c….
- all happening w/in own world of images (the advice is to myself in a literal sense)
- projections: what I see in someone else is what I recognize from myself, so the advice is for myself – also here in a literal sense
- (don’t ask of others what I am not willing to do myself, try it out myself first)
- apply to myself b/c….
- (any statement, a question and a pointer, try it out for myself, find the grain of truth in it, explore it)
- advice comes up