Inquiry: Something is wrong if my heart is closed

 

Something is wrong if my heart is closed. (If my heart is deadened, not vibrant with a quiet joy.)

  1. True?
    Yes. Feels true.
  2. Sure?
    No. Just an opinion. Even “my heart is closed” is just an interpretation.
  3. What happens when I believe that thought?
    • I feel something is wrong.
    • I interpret sensations in my heart area as “my heart is closed” and then tell myself it is wrong.
    • I go into stories about why it is so. Why it happened. What I am missing out of. What it may mean for my future. I go into particular stories about my past and future, take them as true, and experience the effects. I experience sadness. Sense of loss. Fear.
    • The belief brings attention to the sensations in my heart area and my stories around it. It is a reminder for curiosity. I recognize that there is still receptivity, kindness and empathy there. What I call “closed heart” only means an absence of the constant joy that was there for so many years following the initial awakening. The quiet vibrant aliveness in my heart that often was the first thing I noticed when I woke up in the morning. The quiet alive joy of just experiencing. There is a sense of deadening there that I interpreted as a “closed heart”.
  4. Who would I be without it?
    • Curious about the sensations. Curious about the different possible stories about it.
    • I open my heart to the sensations and my experience. There is a sense of kindness. Care.
  5. Turnarounds
    • Something is right if my heart is closed.
      • Yes. It is feedback. In this case, it seems related to having been out of alignment, out of integrity. Life is kind, and gives feedback.
      • Also, it helps me recognize that an open or closed heart doesn’t change what I am. I can still notice what I am. It helps release identification out of being/having/the presence of an open heart.
    • Something is wrong if my heart is not closed.
      • Yes. When I am out of alignment, a deadened heart is valuable and kind feedback.
      • As above: All content of experience is in flow, and so also an alive and vibrant sensation in the heart area. Since that was such a big part of the initial phase after awakening, its absence helps me recognize what I really am as still here. An alive or deadened heart, it doesn’t change what I am.
    • Something is wrong if my thinking is closed.
      • Yes. As soon as my thinking is closed, there is a sense that something is wrong. I believe a story, and when life shows up outside of that “should” there is a sense of something being wrong. Even the possibility of life showing up differently from the should gives a sense of something being wrong.
    • Something is right if my thinking is closed.
      • Yes, that too. Closed thinking is a symptom of taking a story as true. When I notice closed thinking – identification with a viewpoint, it is a kind and valuable reminder that I take a story as true.

……………..

Additional statements:

– My heart is closed if I don’t experience that quiet vibrant joy there.
– Something is wrong if I don’t experience joy in my heart.

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