Inquiry: I need it to be witnessed

 

I need it to be witnessed. (My experience and what is going on for me.)

  1. True?
    Yes. It sometimes feels that way.
  2. Sure it is true?
    No. I don’t know if it is true.
  3. What happens when I take it as true?
    • I feel I need it to be witnessed. I want my experience and what is going on for me to be witnessed by someone. Someone who can see it, feel it, recognize it, understand it.
    • I ask myself why do I need someone to witness it? I get slightly confused, because I cannot find a good reason. It would feel good. It would feel right. It would feel like a relief. It would feel seen. Understood. Yes. But why is that so important? I don’t know. It feels good to recognize that I don’t know.
    • Who should witness it? Who do I know whom I would like to witness it? I run through the people I know, and find some who at first glance look like likely candidates, but no-one seem quite right. Something is missing there. Even if they could see, know, and understand it completely, it doesn’t quite do it. It would be nice, it could strengthen our connection, it would make us closer, create more intimacy, but something is still missing here. It feels good to recognize this as well. It feels like I am closer to what is more honest for me.
    • When I hold onto the initial story as true, I experience separation. There is a sense of aloneness, of something being slightly off, of something missing. There is also a slight excitement there, of discovery. The gap allows for investigation and discovery, of finding what is more honest for me than the initial belief.
    • When did I first have that thought? Probably early on in life. I experienced something missing, early on. Something vital. Essential. But I didn’t quite know what it was. Looking back, I imagine something: I felt I wanted it to be witnessed, seen, recognized, whatever it was. I wanted experience itself to be seen, felt, recognized, understood, including this sense of something missing.
  4. Who would I be without it?
    • OK with what is. OK with experience as is. Welcoming and allowing experience as is, with heart and kindness.
    • Receptive. Curious. I see I don’t need it to be witnessed by someone else. I can witness it. It can happen right here. When I try to have someone else witness it, it always feels slightly off. When I recognize that it is already witnessed here, something falls into place. It feels like coming home. There is healing, especially when it is witnessed in an heartfelt way.
  5. Turnarounds – I recognize that the story is really I need it to be witnessed by others so I will do turnarounds that way
    • I don’t need it to be witnessed by others
      • Right. They can’t anyway.
      • Even when I imagine the most optimal situation, having it witnessed by someone doesn’t quite do it. Something is slightly off. Something is still missing.
    • I need it to not be witnessed by others
      • Yes. I need to recognize that something always seems to be missing when it is witnessed by others, even if I imagine it happening in the fullest possible way.
      • I need to recognize it is not witnessed by others, in a way that would fill the “hole” I am feeling around it. Others cannot fill that hole for me in way that is completely satisfying. There is always a sense of something missing.
    • I need it to be witnessed by me
      • Yes. That feels true. Something falls into place. Recognizing that feels like coming home.
      • I am the one to witness it. I am the one.
      • And not even that. I need to recognize it is already witnessed, here now. Fully. This is what I have been looking for, and it is right here. It is already right here. It never was missing.
      • In that, there is also the play. A secondary play. Allowing, shifting into heart, investigating. But that is less important. What is important is recognizing it is already right here.

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