Inquiry: I need life to go my way

 

I need life to go my way.

  1. True?
    Yes. It feels true, at times. I can find images saying it is true. I can find (especially in my mind) others who agree.
  2. Sure?
    No. It is just a feeling. An opinion. An idea.
  3. What happens when I believe that thought?
    • I feel I need life to go my way. I have an image of my wishes here, and life over there, either complying or not.
    • There is a sense of precariousness. Even if life complies now, it may change at any time.
    • If life does not comply, there is stress. At times disbelief. I have clear images of how life should be, it seems very real and vivid, and still life does not comply.
    • There is a sense of something being wrong. Off. There is a sense of separation. Of me and my wishes here, and life over there.
    • I complain to myself, and sometimes to others. I feel mistreated. A victim of life. I had great plans, and life got in the way.
    • When did I first have that thought? Probably as a little kid. I wanted something, it didn’t happen, and I thought I needed life to go my way.
    • What am I afraid would happen if I didn’t have that thought? I am afraid I would be passive. Just let life happen. Be a leaf in the storm. How likely is it? Not very likely. I will still be drawn to act, to be engaged and make changes.
  4. Who would I be without it?
    • Amused by life. Engaged and at ease. I would be engaged and enjoying it. Less or no sense of separation.
  5. Turnarounds.
    • I don’t need life to go my way.
      • Yes. It won’t, so I don’t need it to.
      • Life doesn’t go my way, in small and more significant ways, and life still goes on. I obviously don’t need it to go my way.
    • I need life to not go my way.
      • Yes. It allows me to see when I am caught up in shoulds. When I pretend that the world should conform to my images and wishes. When I am out of alignment with reality.
      • It keeps things interesting. I have to reorient, find my way in a new terrain. It opens up new challenges and opportunities for me.
      • ** It opens up terrains I otherwise never would have entered.
    • My thinking needs life to go its way.
      • Yes, that is true. When there is a belief, my thinking (and feelings) need things to go a certain way, to conform with the belief.

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