Inquiry: I should feel better

 

I should feel better. (From this cold.)

  1. True?
    Hm. No. But I can find where it feels true. I can find images telling me it is true. I can find others – in my mind – who agrees. (I’ll answer from that place.)
  2. Sure it is true?
    No. It is a feeling. An opinion. I cannot know it is true. (Staying with that recognition, I cannot know. Allowing it to sink in. Feel how my view and experience reorients.)
  3. What happens when I believe that thought?
    • I experience opposition to the cold and its symptoms. I am here, it is there, and it is wrong. I should have done something more to avoid it. It is bad timing. I feel just a bit too bad to get things done as I want to. It creates problems for me. I can’t follow through on my well-laid plans. It is an obstacle.
    • I complain to myself. I feel life is treating me unfairly. (And notice, and think it is silly, so am at odds with myself.)
    • I focus on the symptoms. They seem larger. Amplified. Come to the foreground of awareness.
    • I feel like a victim of the symptoms. Life. Circumstances.
    • What am I afraid would happen if I didn’t have that thought? I am afraid I wouldn’t be seen as a moral person. Someone who wants to get things done, but is prevented by fate, and yet still wants to get things done. How likely is that to happen? Hm. It could happen. How important is it? Hm. Clarity is more important to me. What is real. More honest.
  4. Who would I be without it?
    • Enjoying the break from my schedule. Enjoying taking it more easy. Rest. Allowing my body to do its thing. Appreciation for the situation. More friendly towards myself, the cold symptoms, and life in general. Life feels friendly.
    • More clarity for practical solutions. What are my options? Which ones seem most appropriate? How do I go about it? A sense of ease as I explore possibilities and put some of them into life.
  5. Turnarounds.
    • I shouldn’t feel better.
      • I should feel just as I do. It’s how life shows up right now. It has infinite causes, all the way back to beginning of time. Who am I to argue with that?
      • It’s the body’s way to deal with illness. It has evolved over millions of years. Feeling sick, out of it, headaches, slight nausea, runny nose, sneezing, coughing, all of it tells me to slow down. It is how the system gives itself rest so it can recover.
      • It helps me see these beliefs that are still here, as a feeling and vague images more than anything else. (Only slightly corresponding to my conscious views.)
    • My thoughts should feel better.
      • Yes. When I tell myself a story is true, there is discomfort. Finding more clarity around it, I feel better. It’s a good reminder.
    • I should feel worse.
      • Well. It would stir up beliefs even more, so I get to notice them and their effects.
  6. I am looking forward to not feeling better. Yes, I get to feel – and see – what’s left.

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