The advice is for me

 

Whenever a “should” comes up in my mind, the advice is for me.

If I take it as for others and try to apply it to others, there is inevitably stress and frustration.

And if I take it for myself, and apply it in my own life, there is a sense of relief, a secure guidance, and a sense of coming home.

This applies to any advice, including around tools, practices, and healing methods.

When I recognize the advice is for myself, and I apply it, I can make it available for others if they are interested, but there is no “should” behind it.

And if not, I get caught up in the “should” for others, and it gets uncomfortable.

As usual, others are great mirrors for me here.

I know some who take their own advice as mainly for themselves, apply it in their own life, and then make it available freely to others if they are interested. If none are interested, that is fine too.

I know others who try to push it on others, and inevitably get frustrated.

I can find both in myself, even right here now. And I can use the images of these people as a reminder when I do the same in daily life.

There is a beauty here.

The advice is meant for the person it comes up for. I find that when an advice or a “should” surfaces for me, it is exactly the right advice for me in the situation.

As I apply it in my own life, there is a growing lived familiarity with it. At any point, it can be made available to others if they are interested. And as soon as there is a sense of pushing or a “should” behind it, it is a reminder to reorient and apply it to myself, which in turn gives others freedom from the should. And others are excellent mirrors and reminders for me of both of these possibilities.

Note:

Why is it it stressful and frustrating to “push” the advice on others, while there is a sense of relief and guidance when applying to oneself?

The best is, as always, to explore this for oneself.

When I look for myself, I find two ways of answering those questions.

In a very practical and immediate sense, others tend to get defensive (and for good reason!) if I try to push something on them. That is frustrating for me, and often for them as well. Also, if I come from a “should” directed at them, it is because I am not yet very familiar with applying the advice in my own life. That is the only reason for the should, and it means I am not ready to be a source of pointers for others, not really even if I admit my ignorance. Others pick that up as well, and will be skeptical, ambivalent, or resist it, again for very good reasons.

When I apply it for myself, I receive immediate benefits from it, and that in itself is its own reward.

Perhaps more importantly, and less tangibly, it seems that the advice really is for myself. When it comes up for me, it is because it is meant for me.

It arises here, as a remedy for a condition that also is right here.

When misdirected towards others, life lets me know through stress, unease, and discomfort.

And when applied where it is meant, in my own life, life lets me know through a sense of relief, secure guidance, and of coming home.

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  • advice is for myself
    • whenever a “should” comes up for me, the advice is for myself
      • if think it is for others, then stress etc.
      • if take it for myself, then relief, secure guidance, sense of coming home, etc.
    • also w. tools, practices, healing methods etc.
      • when recognize is for myself, and take it for myself, then can make it available for others if they are interested, but no “should” behind it
      • if not, then get caught up in the “should” for others
      • can recognize w. teachers – some make it available, others push

………….

And rightly so. The advice is meant for themselves, and only to others if they first have applied it in their own life, have a good deal of lived familiarity with it, and then make it available to those who are interested.

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The advice is meant for the person it comes up for. As they apply it in their own life, there is lived familiarity with it, and at some point, it can be made available to others if they are interested. As soon as there is a sense of pushing or a “should” behind it, it is a reminder to reorient and apply it to oneself, which gives others freedom from the should. And others are excellent mirrors and reminders for me of both of those possibilities and dynamics.

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