This blog

 

I notice that I hesitate publishing most of the posts I write here, and leave them as unpublished drafts.

When I look further, I find two reasons, two unexamined beliefs.

I need to be careful about what I write. Yes, that is true. Some folks will take whatever they read or hear as true, just because they want to. It is good to be responsible, try to be as accurate and consientious as possible, and make it as useful as possible. But I can also trust that just like me, most people are discriminating and actively wrestle with and process what they read and hear. And whether we actively digest or not, life will hold up a mirror to us and present us with feedback and opportunities to notice, learn, and grow.

I need to be better informed, more experience, and further digest the material before I put it down. Yes, that is true as well. I write about things I am not trained in, and have not explored nearly as much as I could. It is good to notice and acknowledge to myself and others. And yet, these are just personal explorations. And it is fine to write from a place that is somewhat uninformed, inexperienced, and half-digested. It is inevitable in a relative and conventional sense, since someone – usually a large group of people – are more experienced, better informed, and have digested whatever it may be far more thoroughly than I have. And it is inevitable in an absolute sense in that we all, even the most experienced and insightful, just barely scratch the surface of what is there.

This is all part of my conscious view on the world. But somewhere in me, it hasn’t quite sunk in. It is still not quite processed and there is still some lack of clarity. there is room for allowing it to sink in, and for more parts to reorganize and realign.

There are also other beliefs behind my hesitation:

Others can do it better. Yes, that is true. A great number of people can do this better. But it is a relatively innocent thing to write a blog about my own explorations, people can take care of themselves, and I don’t pretend to have any absolute answers, so why not go ahead? Why not have some fun with it when the impulse to reflect and explore it through writing is there?

It is embarrassing. Yes, that is true as well. All of the things I explore here are life 101 topics, something that could be (mostly) clarified in childhood and teens. So why am I continuing exploring this beyond my teens? Because there is obviously a lot more for me to explore, digest, and clarify here. I may not be as far ahead as I would like, but that is OK. That is part of life as well. It is a shared experience among most humans. It is humbling in a good way.

I should be doing more in life, instead of reflecting and exploring. Yes, also true. My main impulse is to live this actively in life. Although life wanted it differently over the last several years, with the chronic fatigue. A great deal of what I wanted and had planned to do was not possible, at least to the extent I wished. So what was left was processing and exploration. Who am I to argue with life? Also, the two go hand in hand and are mutually supporting, and I am doing both, although the balance is not what I had expected or planned for. It is just one phase. It will change. And then change again.

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  • this blog
    • notice hesitate (leave most as drafts) if….
      • don’t trust that others can test, digest, respond to on their own (baby sitting mentality from my side)
      • don’t trust that it is OK to write from a place of being uninformed, inexperienced etc. (which is inevitable)

…………..

I need to be careful about what I write. I don’t trust that readers can filter, digest, and test on their own. I fall into a baby sitting mentality. I forget that just like me, people usually are discriminating and actively wrestle with whatever they read or hear. And whether we actively digest or not, life holds up a mirror to us where we are and present us with feedback and opportunities to notice, learn, and grow. 

I need to be better informed, more experience, and further digest the material before I put it down. I don’t trust that it is OK to write from a place of being uninformed, inexperienced, and from half-digested explorations. Although it is inevitable. It is inevitable in a relative and conventional sense, since someone – usually a large group of people – are more experienced, better informed, and have digested whatever it may be far more thoroughly than I have. And it is inevitable in an absolute sense in that we all, even the most experienced and insightful, just barely scratch the surface of what is there.

…………..

Initial draft….

I notice that I hesitate publishing most of the posts I write here, and leave them as unpublished drafts.

When I look further, I find two reasons, two unexamined beliefs.

I need to be careful about what I write. I don’t trust that readers can filter, digest, and test on their own. I fall into a baby sitting mentality. I forget that just like me, people usually are discriminating and actively wrestle with whatever they read or hear. And whether we actively digest or not, life holds up a mirror to us where we are and present us with feedback and opportunities to notice, learn, and grow. 

I need to be better informed, more experience, and further digest the material before I put it down. I don’t trust that it is OK to write from a place of being uninformed, inexperienced, and from half-digested explorations. Although it is inevitable. It is inevitable in a relative and conventional sense, since someone – usually a large group of people – are more experienced, better informed, and have digested whatever it may be far more thoroughly than I have. And it is inevitable in an absolute sense in that we all, even the most experienced and insightful, just barely scratch the surface of what is there.

I am of course aware of this consciously. I can easily talk about it, and it is part of my conscious view on the world. But somewhere, in some parts of me, it hasn’t quite sunk in. It is still not quite processed. There is still some lack of clarity, room for allowing it to sink in, and allowing more parts to reorganize and realign.

There are also other beliefs behind my hesitation:

Others can do it better. Yes, that is true. A great number of people can do this better. But it is a relatively innocent thing to write a blog about my own explorations, people can take care of themselves, and I don’t pretend to have any absolute answers, so why not go ahead? Why not have some fun with it when the impulse to reflect and explore it through writing is there?

It is embarrassing. Yes, that is true as well. All of the things I explore here are life 101 topics, something that could be (mostly) clarified in childhood and teens. So why am I continuing exploring this beyond my teens? Because there is obviously a lot more for me to explore, digest, and clarify here. I may not be as far ahead as I would like, but that is OK. That is part of life as well. It is a shared experience among most humans. It is humbling in a good way.

I should be doing more in life, instead of reflecting and exploring. Yes, also true. My main impulse is to live this actively in life. Although life wanted it differently over the last several years, with the chronic fatigue. A great deal of what I wanted and had planned to do was not possible, at least to the extent I wished. So what was left was processing and exploration. Who am I to argue with life? Also, the two go hand in hand and are mutually supporting, and I am doing both, although the balance is not what I had expected or planned for. And it is just one phase. It will change. And then change again.

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