Inquiry: Life is not going my way

 

Life is not going my way.

  1. True?
    Hm. I can find where it feels true, sometimes. So I can say yes, it is true.
  2. Sure it is true?
    No. It is just a feeling. An opinion. It comes and goes depending on circumstances.
  3. What happens when I take that thought as true?
    • I feel that life is not going my way.
    • My stories support that initial belief and feeling. My thoughts filter and interpret to support the initial belief, to make it appear true. They select what fits, and leave out what does not fit.
    • I go into victim mode. I feel like a victim. I see myself as a victim. Life should go my way, but it is not. Life is unfair. I am unfairly treated by life. I am unlucky. Something went wrong.
    • I compare the most unfortunate aspects of my own life (according to my stories about it) with the most fortunate stories about others. My thoughts select and exaggerate to support my initial belief.
    • I am not open to perspectives that counter my initial belief. I dismiss them. Don’t want to see if there is validity in them.
    • When did I first have that thought? Probably as a very small child.
    • What am I afraid would happen if I didn’t have that belief? I am afraid I wouldn’t try to make life go my way. I am afraid I would be passive. I am afraid I wouldn’t recognize whether life goes my way or not. How likely is that? Hm. It is more likely that I would still be engaged, still be able to differentiate, still have direction and goal in life.
  4. Who would I be without it?
    • Receptive. Engaged with life as is, without thought of whether it “goes my way” or not.
    • Innocent, in a good way. Innocent in the sense that I wouldn’t have that belief, which frees me up to function more freely, and in a more mature, differentiated, and sane way.
    • Unneccesary with the “victim mode”. I wouldn’t have to dip into it.
  5. Turnarounds.
    • Life is going my way.
      • Yes, it is going my way in many ways. I am still alive. I have roof over my head, food in my belly, friends.
      • Life is going my way in several small and larger ways. If I want something particular to eat, I can usually have it. I am able to listen to music I like. Apart from the chronic fatigue, I am relatively healthy. I live in a place (two places) where there is peace. I was born in and am still a citizen of one of the most affluent, egalitarian, and well-functioning countries in the world.
    • Life is going life’s way.
      • Yes, that is more true. Life is living its own life. Who am I to expect it to follow my expectations or wishes?
    • I am not going life’s way.
      • Yes, when I take the initial story (life is not going my way) as true, I am not going life’s way. I take a position at odds with life. I create a conflict with life. A battle.
    • I am going life’s way.
      • Well, yes. Even when I get caught up in beliefs, I am going life’s way. That too, is life. That too is included. It is one of the ways life explores, experiences, and expresses itself.

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