Inquiry: Suffering is good for me

 

Suffering is good for me.

  1. True?
    No! Although here too, I can find a place in me where it feels true.
  2. Sure it is true?
    No. It is clearly just a thought, an ideology.
  3. What happens when I believe that thought?
    • I feel I need to suffer. I have images and stories telling me suffering is good for me. I see suffering as a necessary evil.
    • I may seek out suffering, telling myself I need it. I may prolong existing suffering because it is good for me. I may chose to not avoid suffering, telling myself it is good for me.
    • I may become a suffering junkie. I get focused on suffering. I find, fuel and elaborate on stories of how it is good for me. I make it into an ideology. I dismiss stories that contradict my ideology.
    • Suffering becomes my religion.
    • What do I get out of it? Suffering. Prolonged suffering. Suffering that may not be needed. I may not seek out relief or resolution even if it is available.
    • What are the effects of suffering? Distress. Fragmented attention. Not able to function well. At times depression, hopelessness. Closed mind, not able to see or explore possibilities. It affects friendships, so I find less support in/from others. I stop doing or do less of what I enjoy, of what is meaningful in my life.
  4. Who would I be without it?
    • Curious about suffering and absence of suffering. Preventing suffering when I can, for myself and others. Motivated to end suffering through changing circumstances, and also through seeing and feeling through the suffering and what creates it.
  5. Turnarounds.
    • Suffering is not good for me.
      • Yes, that is more true. It is not good for me. It may lead to lack of sleep which impacts how I function, and also how I deal with what triggers (in my life) and causes (my beliefs) the suffering. It can lead to depression, which also impacts how I function. I also know that it can cause more lasting (although not permanent) changes. Suffering is not good.
    • Freedom from suffering is good for me.
      • Yes. It means I am taking care of my life. I am clear on and meet my needs. I have clear, honest and nurturing relationships with people in my life. I follow my most basic desires. I am clear on my stories, recognizing them as imagination (and they can still be very helpful). It means I am clear on, recognize, and am free from being caught up in how suffering is created, from the basic identification as an “I” and everything that spins out from that.
    • I am good for suffering.
      • Hm. Yes, as I find freedom from suffering, suffering finds freedom from me. Suffering is free from being created by identification with an “I” and the shoulds that come out of it. There is clarity around and insight in suffering here, which helps suffering. And not only here, but possibly in others as well. Who knows what the consequences and ripple effects are.
    • Freedom from me is good for suffering.
      • Yes, as above. Freedom from me is good for suffering.

…………….
…………….
…………….

  • it’s good for my healing, maturing, awakening
  • it’s ok to suffer b/c i need humility
  • i need more humility
  • i need to suffer to grow
  • >> suffering is good for me
  • enduring suffering is good for me
  • i can use suffering as an escape
  • ….

– control strategy, keep others in miserable situations, prevent them from making changes (find their power, clarity, initiative)

– betrayal of suffering
— betrayal of beliefs, “if you don’t get what you want, you are supposed to be miserable” etc.
— betrayal of expectations

– dragged into truth kicking and screaming

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