Taking a step back or two steps forward

 

In my communications with others, I sometimes notice a choice between taking a step back or two steps forwards.

I can chose to not say what is alive for me, to hold back, and perhaps tell myself I am acting out of integrity by not expressing it. Sometimes, this may be appropriate.

But not if I wish a more alive, open and trusting connection with the other person.

In that case, I can chose to go two steps forward, to reveal myself more, to bring what’s already here more consciously into the relationship, and then navigate this new terrain from a deeper sense of honesty, and of trust in the process.

Being clear on my most basic desires – such as  a desire for connection – serves as a guide for me here.

The first choice can lead to stagnation. The second to a sense of freedom, trust, and aliveness.

It’s good to notice how this all feels. Does it feel like a pressure for intimacy. Is there sense of a compulsion behind it? Or does it flow more from receptivity and curiosity?

Before opening up in this way, it is good to check in.

Note: The key here is that something is already alive for me – whether it is about our connection or something else – which means it is already part of our connection. The choice is then whether I want this to be a conscious part of our connection, and the answer is usually yes, especially if I want a more alive, open and trusting connection with myself and the other person.

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  • taking a step back instead of two steps forwards
    • in my communication with others, I sometimes notice a choice between taking a step back or two steps forwards
    • I can chose to not say what comes up for me, to hold back, perhaps tell myself I am acting out of integrity
    • or I can chose to go two steps forward, to be completely honest about what’s going on for me, and then explore how to relate to that in the best possible way
    • the first choice often leads to stagnation, the second to a sense of aliveness and excitement

– good to do in a way that feels comfortable for both, to not act as an “intimacy nazi”

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It may be that I don’t know the other person very well, or that what comes up is not very strong, or that it seems distracting for what is more important for me and in the situation.

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I can be completely honest about what is going on for me, invite the other to express what comes up in them around it, and then explore how to hold it and where it unfolds from here. If I am clear on my most basic desires, they serve as a guide in this process.

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Do I limit the freedom for myself and the other? Is there a sense of relief and a fresh and alive freedom?

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initial draft….

In my communications with others, I sometimes notice a choice between taking a step back or two steps forwards.

I can chose to not say what is alive for me, to hold back, and perhaps tell myself I am acting out of integrity by not expressing it. Sometimes, this may be appropriate.

But not if I wish a more real, alive, open and trusting connection with the other person.

In that case, I can chose to go two steps forward, to reveal myself more, to bring what’s already here more consciously into the relationship, and see where it unfolds from here.

If I am clear on my most basic desires – such as a desire for connection – they serve as a guide in this process.

The first choice can lead to stagnation. The second to a sense of freedom, trust, and aliveness.

It’s good to notice how this all feels. Does it feel like a pressure for intimacy? Is there a compulsion behind it? Or does it flow from a genuine and innocent desire for connection?

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