A good reminder:
When I notice churning thoughts or complaints: Write it all down uncensored. Find themes and underlying beliefs. Investigate those, and find what is more honest for me. What happens when I believe those thoughts? Can I know for certain they are true? What’s more true for me? (I can answer any of these questions from the view of Big Mind/Heart.)
When I notice strong or uncomfortable emotions: Set the thoughts and images aside. Connect with my heart. Bring attention to the breath in the heart area. Breathe and feel, breathe and feel. Notice the experiences – emotions, sensations – flowing through.
The times images and strong emotions come up and I take them as true, it is easy to slip into fueling the stories and resisting the emotions they create. I try to push the experience away or escape it, often through distractions. I act from and create confusion, and the images and emotions gets balled into a difficult-to-deal-with mess.
When I instead take a step back and open my mind and heart to one at a time, I make it easier for myself. I write down the thoughts. And take time to breathe and feel the emotions and bodily sensations. An invitation for clarity comes from meeting one at a time.
The chronic fatigue seems to remove most – and at times all – the filters, so core beliefs and their emotions come up raw, nakedly, unfiltered. And I also recently asked to be shown what is left. That’s what happened, and it is not always easy. I still tend to feel overwhelmed when it gets intense. I sometimes try to make it easier for myself by distracting myself from being with the experiences and write down and inquire into the beliefs, even as I know it is much quicker and easier to face it all head on. That is perhaps my main lesson now: to sink into a felt knowing that the only way through is through.
This is a reminder of a great deal more as well: The gold in the shadow. The practical value and support in simple meditations such as stability practice and allowing experience as is. The invaluable support from friends – both regular friends and those on the path.
Reminder and adjustment to of how I allow experience: conversation with BMS.
BMS: Beliefs, fueling emotional charge, all in the unconscious. Bring it into the light of consciousness. Find underlying beliefs.
Also: Circular breathing, ordinary unbroken breathing, stay with the breathing, the sensations of the breathing, allow it all to move through. Breathe. Feel. Stay with it.
Notice the belief “I will die if I experience this”. At some point, made a decision “I cannot be with this experience”, so shut it down. And *need* to experience it.
– (a) connect with heart, stay with the sensation of breath, unbroken circle – allow to flow through
– (b) write down all the thoughts, beliefs, find underlying beliefs, investigate to find what is more true
– connect with heart, bring attention to heart area, then the sensations of the breath, feel and breathe as feelings move through
– churning thoughts: write it all down, find underlying beliefs, find what is more honest
– emotions: connect with heart, then sensations of breath in the heart area, breath and feel, notice it flowing through
Connect with the heart, then bring attention to the (natural) breath in the heart/chest area, following inbreath and outbreath in a seamless cycle, breathe and feel, and notice the feelings/emotions passing through.
– breathe and feel, while putting thoughts on the shelf, setting them aside
Q: What’s going on for P. here?
Big Mind/Heart/Belly: He is experiencing pressure from his own beliefs. It is uncomfortable for him, and it is also good for him. It’s what he needs. It’s what he wants. He wants to know what’s left.
Q: Do you have advice for him?
Big Mind/Heart/Belly: He needs to allow the feelings and emotions, and then take a look at the fixed viewpoints and find what’s more true. Mainly, he needs to shift from a tendency to avoid what comes up, to face it. He can do this by opening his heart and mind to what comes up, and by finding love for what’s happening (that makes it much easier). He needs to shift into being a good friend to himself here. To feel that facing it is easier, kinder and more productive than trying to avoid it.
Q: What can he do to support this?
Big Mind/Heart/Belly: He can take time to sit down and meditate each day (stability practice, allowing experience). Go for walks. Find support from friends. And maybe most importantly, set an intention to do all this and face experience and thoughts as they come up.