I felt completely stuck yesterday – caught up in dissatisfaction, internal complaining, unease and general discomfort. Nothing seemed to work, apart from lying down and intentionally open my heart to it, allowing it to be, and giving it all over to the divine. Later, as I went to bed for the night, I continued this, and there was an impulse to shift into being it. And that’s where it seemed to fall into place. Being it was the only resolution that felt complete and honest in the moment.
I also remembered what Evelyn Underhill writes in Mysticism. The dark night is a preparation for, and shifts into, being whatever is.
It’s not new to me, but when it happens in this way, it feels new. Surprising. A fresh discovery.
Misery. Resistance. More misery. Allowing. Opening my heart to it. Then, a shift into being the field of experience.
I also see that being it can have two or three flavors.
Being what is with center of gravity in Big Mind. A sense of transcendence. Being it from the “outside”. This is the yang or masculine facet of the divine, and I am familiar with this from earlier nonabiding awakenings.
Being what is from the inside. A sense of immanence. The yin or feminine facet of the divine. This one is more familiar to me now, and is what happened yesterday. I call it Big Belly, the third facet alongside Big Mind and Big Heart.
And being what is with a natural appreciation for what is, as it is. Big Heart.
Note: This is not a shift into being what is, but a shift into noticing what I already am. I already am the field of experience. And what is refers to the field of experience, just as it is right now. There is nothing special or esoteric here. We already are our field of experience, as it is, here now, independent of it’s content.
- a shift into being it
- feel completely stuck, then a shift into being it – the only “resolution” it seems
- also, evelyn underhill, dark night, shift into being it
- notice already am
- can happen in two three flavors – it seems (although not very familiar with this yet)
- transcendence – am it from the “outside”, ident. w. big mind – masculine facet
- immanense – am it from the inside, ident. w. big belly – feminine facet
- appreciation – heart