Always in motion is the future.
– Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back
And that goes for the past as well. Always in motion is the past.
As I explore specific instances from the past through the usual pointers – The Work, tonglen, prayer, welcoming emotions and more – the past changes.
Instead of a charge and possibly regret, frustration, sadness or anger, there is more softness, appreciation and even gratitude.
I was reminded of this today. A close friend of mine from several years back does not return my calls. I have been frustrated, sad, a little angry, and most of all confused. I wonder why, and cannot find any good explanations. We had a close friendship, and then suddenly she disappeared from my world.
Today, as I remembered this, it was quite different. I found appreciation and gratitude, both for our connection, and for “losing” it now. It may be good for both of us to move on. We met when I was in the middle of the initial opening/awakening, and she was older, had more familiarity with that terrain, and helped me orient and trust what was happening. At the same time, I see that her world view at the time is now far in the past for me, and a new and somewhat different terrain is opening up for me. Also, she seemed to have a strong impulse to tell me about my future, and that too is in the past for me. I would rather not “know” what may or may not happen, and instead stay open, curious and receptive. What she said has all come to pass, and I am now entering uncharted territory, and I am grateful for both what she shared back then, and for the uncharted territory.
The past changes in many ways. It changes because my memory is malleable and in flux. It changes because my stories of the past changes. It changes as knots untie and appreciation and gratitude is there instead.