I am already doing to myself, what I am afraid other people will do to me.
That’s a good reminder for me from Adyashanti – the Moving Beyond Stuckness episode of Radio Adyashanti from last week, Feb. 2, 2011.
What am I afraid people will do to me? What do I tell myself that keeps me from being more honest, authentic and fully myself with others?
I am afraid that others will reject me, disapprove of me. Dislike me. Have contempt for me. Disagree with me. Talk about me behind my back. Put me down. Talk disparagingly about me. Inflict pain on me. I am afraid will be alone.
Do I already do this to myself?
Yes. I find I do each of those through my stories. I reject myself when I tell myself I am doing something wrong. I disapprove of myself, dislike myself, even have contempt for myself, for the same reason. I frequently disagree with myself, when I switch from one story to another without finding what holds both and holds them more gently. I talk about myself behind my back, when I don’t stop and ask myself if these stories are really true. I put myself down and talk disparagingly about myself. I inflict pain on myself when I take certain stories as true. I make myself alone in my own world of stories.
All of this happens sometimes. And it is good to notice in daily life, as it happens and in the specific ways it happens. It helps me see that I am already doing to myself what I am afraid others may do to me. It helps me take responsibility for it. It helps me see that it is all happening here now, not out there in the world in the future, past or present. And all of this helps me free myself from that fear.
Also, as Adya pointed out, some folks will disapprove of us anyway. So we have a choice of being phony and have some people dislike us. Or be ourselves, and have some people dislike us.
- I am doing to myself, what I am afraid other people will do to me
- reject me, disapprove of me
- dislike me, have contempt for me
- disagree with me
- talk behind my back
- put me down, talk disparagingly about me
- inflict pain on me
- from Radio Adyashanti, Moving Beyond Stuckness, Feb 2 2011
– want people to like us
— we are already doing to ourselves what we are afraid other people will do to us
— and some people won’t like us anyways, so may as well be ourselves and not be liked, instead of trying to be someone else and not be liked