I am a Russian intellectual and anarchist in the 1860s. Facets of my life are clear to me: I participate in the intellectual and artistic scene in Russia and Paris, and I am opposed to the violent strategies of some fellow anarchists. I have spoken up and decide to do what I can to stop them. This morning, I run across a winter field somewhere south of Moscow. A farm house is ahead of me. I am pursued by fellow anarchists. Later in the day, they catch up with me and I am shot in the head.
This is a recurrent dream I had during the initial awakening in my teens. The dream was vivid, real, and it contained historical details I later learned were accurate. In the dream, I was executed by fellow anarchists because I was about to betray them. It happened in the farm house.
When I explore this dream through active imagination and dialog, I find that I – as this Russian anarchist executed in a farm house – am shocked I died so early in life and in such a way. It is incomprehensible to me. It feels deeply wrong. Through dialog, I help myself come to terms with this. We all die and we never know when. No being has ever gotten out of this alive. Death is routine, and early death is also routine.
There is another unresolved part to this dream, and that is the fear of speaking and acting on my truth. In this dream, it got me killed. If I speak up, if I speak and act on my truth, something terrible will happen.
Was this just a dream, or memories from a past life? It certainly felt like it could be a past life at the time. It doesn’t matter. What is important is that it reflects something here and now, and I can invite in clarity and resolution here and now.
I worked on this dream last night after listening to the most recent episode of Radio Adyashanti: Embodiment of Revelation.
- russian anarchist
- recurrent dream during the initial awakening in my teens – very real, vivid, a full life, historical details that i later learned were accurate
- 1860s russia, in revolutionary circles, intellectual, pacifist, wanted to stop the violence
- chased across a harvested field an early morning, late fall, some frost on the ground
- ran to a farm house, was eventually found and shot in the head
- active imagination, dialog with that person
- he was shocked to die so early and in that way
- conversation with him, help him to see that all beings die, and we never know when
- what happened to him is not different from what happens to everyone – we all die, and don’t know when
- it’s part of life
- may be just a dream, or perhaps past life, doesn’t matter – reflects something here now and that’s what’s important